There are moments where I feel scared. I feel lonely…I am secretly, or not-so-secretly, terrified of a few things.
I don’t want to lose who I am. With this thing in my brain, wrapped around the important parts like my personality, I am scared I will lose who makes me ME. Marcy. Quirky, sometimes funny, ready for a laugh, moody (ok, wouldn’t miss that part much), loves to sing, Loves God…occasionally adventurous, sometimes spontaneous, recently extending the boundaries of my safety zone….I’m afraid I’ll be some swearing, ill behaved, grumpy middle aged lady that no one wants to be around. I am terrified I’ll end up alone in a home somewhere because the people I love don’t know how to handle who I have become. I’m afraid my kids and husband will have to visit me out of duty and bolster their courage to face me for __ amount of minutes until they can get on with their lives and do what they have adjusted themselves to do in their lives without me. I know they are more than that. That they will shine and love, but I still wonder…
I’m afraid I’ll lose my voice, my ability to write, to communicate, to move…to love.
Those are some of my vulnerable moment scary thoughts.
If you want to pray, please pray with me that the Fruit of the Spirit will always be evident no matter what happens.
“The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.” Gal. 5:22
That my life will shine the beauty of His Glory. Even if I can’t sing. I still want to SHINE.
Pray that I may be able to express myself in words. I love words, even when I don’t make much sense. I have noticed that when I speak I get mixed up easily. I hope that it comes back. The ability to speak fluently. I am thankful that I still have what I have.
Pray that I will still see the funny in the situations I find myself in. It helps me. It’s my coping mechanism that I really don’t want to lose.
So now you know some of my secrets. Some fears. Fear does not come from God but peace does, so I choose to embrace peace and put the fears aside. There are some moments though…when I’m by myself wishing I was able to do things I can’t do as well anymore. But then peace comes to rest in my heart and I know I am not alone.