Tag Archives: Health

Shine – Dec 2012

“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine”

This is a familiar refrain to many. In fact, at our public school Christmas program last night, it was as the finale of the show. Of course, “light” can mean different things to many people. In my case, what I mean by “Light” is the light of Christ.

In starting this blog, I wanted to make sure that in all I say, I reflect the light that Christ shines in and through me. I want my words to radiate the love, wisdom and words of Christ. I am only human and realize that my words have not always been, nor will they always be. Jesus is full of grace and always ready to forgive. For that I am incredibly thankful.

I ended my last blog because it was full of personal stories that I wanted to keep as it was and publish for our own personal memories. There are so many moments on that blog that are funny, sad, frustrated, open, confused…the list goes on. There are things that I wish I hadn’t shared and words I said in my humanness. I am thankful for all that I learned, the support that I received and the fun that I had while writing that blog. It became a part of me.

I have been going through difficult times this fall. While I’ve always seemed to have something going on with my body, healthwise, I have been going through some sort of crisis this fall. It came to a point that I thought I was dying. I am not afraid of dying because I have a HOPE. I have a future. It just really puts things in perspective. The Lord used this time to speak into my life because I was listening. Finally.

There were sins that I needed to deal with. I probably have needed this wake up call for a very long time. I realized that I had let things overtake my life that should have been drop kicked years ago. Being a Pastor’s Wife does not mean that one has it together. Not at all. I had been living a lie. Lying to myself, primarily.

Part of the lie was thinking that I needed the blog. That it was integral to my mental health. That I needed the great feedback I was getting. I was getting my value from my blog. I was making it more important than it should have been. I thought I was spiritually ministering to people. Now, that’s not a bad thing at all, but I was letting pride get all in there and mess up with my thinking. Pride is a sneaky beast.

I don’t want to just stick a verse in my post to make myself look spiritual. I want it to come from the Spirit. I want to SHINE. Not me personally, but that God will shine in me. I want people to see a radiance that unmistakenly comes from Above.

I have been confused as to whether having a flair or humor in my writing detracts or attracts from God’s ultimate purpose for me. Who am I? How is He wanting to speak through me? What does that look like?

I guess I’ve been wrestling with what God has for me. What he wants to do through me. This life is all I have. I don’t know how long I have. None of us do. I know I really need to make GOOD use of the time he’s given me.

So, I step out in faith. I really do think He wants me to write. In my heart, I believe he wants me to share. I pray I am always soft to his whispers and keen for his direction.

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Fasting from Facebook Feb 2013

February has seen this girl off the computer quite a bit. I, shamefully, confess that I was wasting too much time on the interweb with blogging, Facebook, looking up recipes etc etc…If there was a thing to look up on the internet, I was looking it up. It’s hard for me to say this, but it’s true.

Why is the obvious so hard to say “outloud”?

It was time to face the truth of the whole situation and in the throes of my severe fatigue, this winter, I faced the facts head on. Rather, God revealed it to my open heart. I had come to the point of begging Him to reveal to me what I needed to confess, sin that  needed to be unveiled from my eyes. This happened to be one of those areas.

It’s not that it’s a sin to be on the internet and to have “friends” on Facebook. No, it’s innocuous in and of itself, it’s just that it had become too easy for me to click on that favorite website and update myself on everyone’s lives. I had also become enamored with other people responding to my life. This also came out in my blogging. I was blogging for the comments and checking it numerous times daily just to see how many or few people had checked out my blog. My motivation for the whole thing had become something I had not initially intended. I was in it to find my value.

Sad, but true.

I am not a very disciplined person to begin with. I’ve always found it difficult to keep on any one sort of discipline whether it be exercising, reading my Bible, praying, eating healthy or any type of activity that would bring health to my body or soul. I was well practiced at excusing my behavior to myself and to others.

Coming to the end of myself, lying in bed either thinking, praying,  sobbing into my pillow, or all three, pushed me to see what I had really become and I did not like what I saw one bit. I saw a selfish, moody, lazy and lonely woman. I saw a person who lied to herself and others regularily. I didn’t lie on purpose, but with my actions and excuses, deception piled up like refuse in an outhouse in the summer.

I quit lying to myself and repented openly and honestly, to my Lord. Oh how he loves me and gives grace abundantly!  I asked for healing but he needed to dig through all the mire and clay to begin the process. If he had just healed me outright I would never have seen what I needed to see in my life.

I have been living daily conciously putting on the thought that “Jesus comes first”. I would be lying if I said that every day it was the first thought in my head. It is one I must do with purpose and sometimes I will go a whole day without saying it, until I realize why my day has gone terribly wrong.

That is why I haven’t been around Facebook for a while. It’s the reason my blogging took a turn and I haven’t posted as much lately.

Cleansing – Jan 2013

Fruit Platter

Fruit Platter (Photo credit: Matthew Kenwrick)

Veggies and fruit, fruit and veggies, then some quinoa and nuts and you have my last five days. Raspberry smoothies have become my favorite sweet treat. YUM!

But all that goodness going in to my system is wreaking a little cleansing on my internal systems. Things are getting a little, um, unmentionable…if you know what I mean.

Yesterday as my insides were rumbling, bubbling and turning over in their sheer shock at all the nutritious food going in, I realized that my physical cleanse reflects what happens when we take a spiritual cleanse. In fact, during this physical cleanse I have also been “working” at cleansing myself spiritually too and gaining new perspective.

For years, I have ignored some major spiritual signs that things were not healthy. Sin that I had stuffed nicely down in the dark places of my being, was eating away at my spiritual health. I kept thinking “I’ll deal with that later. When I’ve got it all together, I’ll get to it then.” I don’t know if I actually put that into conscious thought, but I do everything else like that, so I’m sure, unconsciously, that was my spiritual thinking.

As everyone should know, if you put no effort into your health of any kind, then your health will go nowhere but down. Sure, you can ride the wave for a while but it’s going to come crashing down eventually. Crash, I have.

Our spiritual, mental and physical health is all connected. This is not news. So, why has it taken me so long? Why does it take a crisis in one area to recognize the instability in all areas? Oh how I wish I’d had the motivation earlier. But, there is the kicker. For me, I “needed” the crash. I don’t like to say that at all.

With this much-needed push to do a healthier diet (extreme, I might add) I have been able to see the physical example of what a cleansing looks and feels like. I have never really done this before. Sad, but true.

When we start pouring good things into our body, it starts getting rid of the toxic waste. Getting rid of toxic waste is hard. It makes me squirm.

Another part of it is the preparation for the cleansing. I have to shop, chop, cook, chop some more.

 

Update Feb.1, 2015 I never did finish this post but it’s a look into my first foray into a healthier eating pattern.

Motivation to get back into it!!

English: an exercise of rotator cuff

English: an exercise of rotator cuff (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So much about life is temporal. Just when you think you know what you are doing, life does an about-face and you must learn how to deal with whatever it is this time that life has thrown a curveball into.

Just when I thought I’d gotten the inspiration  to exercise tucked in close to my heart, it went and changed its mind. Motivation is a tricky little beast! Why can’t I seem to want to get on the ol’ elliptical like I would get out there and run, back in the summer? I mean, I was not eager, per se , but I went and I did it even if I wasn’t 100%. I think it was the sun or the warmth or getting out of the house for a little while. Those are all motivations for me. It worked. I progressed more than I had thought possible and ran that 5 km. I didn’t run it well, but I did it.

Now, why oh why can’t I just get on that elliptical beast? I was  intent on keeping my muscles that I had built over summer I was fierce about fostering my endurance.  I was also determined to keep the kinks out.

Then two bouts with the flu happened this fall.  Homeschooling the older kiddos got distracting. Then there is the weather.  I could call them all excuses but I won’t. I’ll just call them “life”. A big part of my life is the Chronic Pain, but that is getting better little by little. Fatigue has been one of the sneaky fellows that comes and drags me down when I least expect. When living with Chronic illness, life really can do a 180 and you need to adjust expectations.

Obviously “life” and I have a few things to negotiate.  Since aging and muscle strength are both telling me I better get back in line, I should probably listen.

My new challenge is doing something I hate INDOORS. I can neither get out to “enjoy” the weather (as cold temperature is painful and roads that are slippery are not cool with me) I need to embrace the indoor exercise that I can do. I should probably look at it as a possible gym class for my Home Schooled kids.

Enter in responsibility. I have the responsibility to myself, to God and to my family to keep the mobility I gained last spring/summer. I don’t want to go back now.

I learned this summer that I need to do a few things to make myself more apt to succeed. The right gear, the right timing and let my body tell me when it’s one of those days I truly shouldn’t push it. The trick is to push my body when I can!

My basement is cold (remember I hate cold) and since it is where we have room and the equipment, I need the right clothes to deal with that. If I’m not too cold, I’m good.

I need the right music. I’ve downloaded some better running/exercising music.

Most of all I need God.  I need to let God be a part of the inspiration to get back into a healthier lifestyle. He has been silently cheering me on and I can’t let my best cheerleader down! I know he will give me strength.  I’m not that far away from the discipline and positive effects of running that I’ve put the memories of the accomplishment in the past. It must become my present as well as future goal.

My plan is to stay healthy enough to bounce back into running when spring commences it’s lovely season. There are a couple of things that could change my plans like…. a probable rotator cuff injury or a significant injury to the area that might need to be dealt with…but I will continue to think of how I can keep myself in a state of health that keeps me going. We’ll work with whatever life throws at us. “God is our refuge and strength very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Who is in to run with me in something local? I don’t want to do the cold and muddy one, but I would like to do something in the spring. Ideas are welcome!

Running with Pain, Part 2

I have had a pretty decent summer with pain levels. Yes, I’ve had pain, but the intensity has not been unbearable most times. That all changed this week.

I believe it is a combination of things, but it’s all guesswork, really. I think it’s allergies, stress (think home school start-up, Aspie kid adjusting, getting programming for my other gal with challenges and meetings, etc…) and peri-menopause. It’s kicking me in the rear.

Migraines are NO FUN at all. Even when you are laying in a room with blinds drawn and earplugs in (for the noise issues) there is still cloying pain. It is close to unbearable except that life goes on. Any mom who knows the chaos of children would give a front tooth for a dark room without noise. This I know. Except those that have migraines. Those people know they would give up a set of teeth to never have another pain in the head again. It’s disruptive to everyone.

“Shhh. Be quiet. Mommy’s got a headache.”

“Can you stop moving? I can’t focus on anything when you are moving like that in my general area.”

“Kids, can you stop being kids for this week because what you do as children makes my headache worse.”

Running hasn’t happened either. I tried on Monday, but then I collapsed with defeat on someone’s lawn. It was a beautiful moment as I looked up into the sky through the trees. I was reminded why I was running. To point to the One who made me.

I have felt the pressure build as I stumble through the week and the 5k gets closer. I pray and I hope that the pain subsides. I have prepared for this for months (obviously, because I won’t stop talking about it). It would be a kicker if my pain won in the end.

I will NOT. LET. THAT. HAPPEN!

More importantly, I believe that God will give me the strength I need to get to the goal.

Running with pain. Well, it is a given that pain will be there. It’s just how much can a person take? I guess I’ll find out this weekend.

As a fabulous aside, I have now been able to raise $530 for CAUSE Canada and feel fantastic about that!  I had a goal of $1000 so if you want to help me reach that by Sunday, then please go to my donation page here. I may even attempt a backflip for that. No, I won’t don’t worry Mom!

Thank you to all that have helped raise money for CAUSE Canada so far!  You have made a difference in lives who would not have a chance without you.

 

Tortoise or Hare

The Tortoise and the Hare (film)

The Tortoise and the Hare (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Knowing that I’m really quite short and my leg to body ratio is irritatingly not in favor of my legs, which would you guess that I am if it came to winning a race?

My guess would have been the Tortoise every time even if everyone else had some sort of broken limb. Except that I wouldn’t win the race. This tortoise is pretty sure she wouldn’t win any races either and that’s just fine!

Turns out I’m both. I went for a walk tonight and discovered that I walk as fast as I jog. I walk or jog at around 5:30-6:20 min/km. It either means that I walk at a pretty decent pace or my jogging is pathetically slow. I choose to think that either is just fine because I am MOVING.

Something I didn’t think about when I registered for doing a 5 Km in the mountains is what the elevation will do to my ability to breathe. Ah well. At least I know I can walk 5 Km in about 30 mins. To me, this isn’t about how fast I go or if I even jog the thing, even though that is what I would like to do, it’s about setting a goal for myself and seeing it through. Ok, that’s the secondary goal. My primary goal is to get healthier. A few other goals are to go into the winter running, literally. I just can’t even imagine having a winter as bad as last.

Call me a Hairy Tortoise, I’m ok with that. Then again, don’t.

If you would like to give to the cause that I’m running for here is the link again. Thanks to the giver of the first pledge!  We have broken ground, now let’s get ‘er going!!

Pshaw! It’s only a 5K….why get so excited?

Some of you can run laps around what I’ve done in my life, as far as exercise goes. In fact, if you could do laps around what I’ve done in my life, you would have to do a few extra just to get your heart rate up. You may think “Why in the world is she making such a big deal out of a piddly 5K?” and I would ask you “Why not? It’s a big freaking deal!!” I mean freaking, as in, I’m still freaking out that I’m actually doing it.

This is a person dedicated to the ideals of slothism. Yes, I made that up. I formed a club too, but then I was too lazy to actually see if anyone wanted to join. So it was just me.

No, really, I wasn’t lazy. Well, before kids? Maybe. After four kids in five years, I have no idea what lazy is but it sounds delicious!

If I dove into the topic of how distracted I can get I’d start a whole new topic in the middle of it (actually, probably five) and then you’d be all confused. I won’t confuse you so I’ll just say that when I start something a lot of things can get me off track and then I forget what I’m doing and….what was I talking about?

I don’t want to get distracted and forget I’m doing this jogging thing so I have to commit myself to a goal and that goal is to do a 5 Km run/walk (but I’m jogging, just to be different) in the mountains. Mountains motivate me because I don’t get to see them very often. I love mountains…see? I’m distracted already!

With fibro, I have to really keep my expectations realistic. In fact, my own husband and my MOTHER both told me I probably shouldn’t do this thing called jogging because I would probably hurt myself. My own MOTHER!! She doubts….and it hurts (not really, Ma, just pulling your knickers). They both, as if they were reading from the same script, said I should probably do something else…maybe walking. Well, ok, but I walk every day inside and outside and it is so slow and boring. Why not take it up a notch and jog at a walking speed?

They both pretty much begged me to rethink  this craziness I had fallen into. Really, am I that pathetic? Ahem…

YIKERS!

So, I promised them that I was pretty much jogging/walking and yes, I would stretch before and after and, for PETE’s sake I am only doing 5 km, not a marathon and I will probably come in last with the walkers anyways. I didn’t say that I was totally going to smoke those 5 Km walkers because that would worry them more. I think they internally cheered that I hadn’t committed that $35 registration yet…but I am sooooo going to do it, next week.

Now, I’m telling a secret, because I usually don’t talk about my private convo’s with my man, but my he did say that “We have to live with what happens to you, you know.” That statement pretty much galvanized my determination and I vowed that this would make me better, not wheelchair-bound. If my family has to live with me and with whatever may happen, by cracky, this thing is going to have a turn for the awesome!

It was sobering when he said that, and so I also committed to doing this smart. I am quite certain you can’t get any slower than I am at a jogging pace. I am realistic in that if I feel like crud in a massive way, I’ll walk that walk. I’ll try not to get all crazy-marathon-woman…like I would *snort*

Did I tell you my sister…my SISTER! She called me and said “I read something about you jogging and um, well, uh….” I filled in her thoughts “You thought I was joking around?” Cough cough “Um, well, yah….are you?”

It hurts, people. It hurts.

OR…

That’s how miraculous this thing is. The people that know me the best are afraid that I’ll crash and burn training to walk/jog a 5 Km. Maybe they should join me? then it wouldn’t be so CRAZY…so Loco….so “What are you DOING???” Huh? *wink wink* How about it?

It’s only a 5 Km, so I think I’ll be ok. I know you love me, but really, turn that skepticism into cheers and we’ll get along just fine!

Did I forget to mention I’m running a marathon next year?

No?

Well, that would just be mean to lie to you like that.