Category Archives: writing

Meaningless Drivel

Oh where have I been? I have been and seen, felt a bit green, and then back again. What a time it’s been…what a time…

Wandering the ever-lovin’ parts of Eastern Alberta, I have traveled down some roads I’ve never gone down before. Mostly, I got lost on roads I’ve never traveled down before, but sometimes it was because I was driving in the dark and my sense of direction goes all kind of wrong. Thankfully, I’ve had a full tank of gas in those moments. Yes, Dad, I heard what you said to me this winter. Daughters do listen to their Daddies once in a while, you know!

My tea business has taken off to places I didn’t know I’d actually see. I achieved all the Success Start goals with Steeped Tea except the last wee bit that involved a diamond ring. That’s ok though. I was so excited to have actually hit the goals that I did make. Wow!! I didn’t even feel like I worked as hard as I should have. I did work hard, though…no doubt about that.

In fact, when I signed up, I think we all just thought it was a little fad and that I could jump off of the tea train with no harm done. Well, I couldn’t jump when it was going so fast, now, could I? My whole family has adjusted to the changes that having a working (inside and outside of the home) mom involves. I love, LOVE that I can do a lot of my work from the home and I involve my whole family in it. My daughter was organizing my sniffer jars (tea for customers to smell) tonight and she was such a big help! She loved it too. It’s not often that she feels like she can enjoy something I ask her to do.

Not only have I been selling tea like crazy, but we’ve had other “life” stuff happen that has been really hard and has taken a bit of emotional and brain space. I am thankful to say that I am at peace because the One who gives me Life has it all under control and I trust Him. I am blessed to be married to one of the world’s most wonderful men and we’ve held onto each other during this rocky time. Regardless, we have waded through deep waters and we’ll continue to trust in the our Lord through it all.

I have been so desperate to write my book but it seems that time has been ever-so-elusive and I have hardly written a word since January. It seems that everything just happened at the same time and writing has taken a back seat. I used to think I couldn’t go through a day without writing something to help me get through the crazy days of early childhood parenting. Oh, those were the days!! I had so many zany stories back then. I still have an odd good one now and again, but I don’t get down to write it until it’s completely out of my memory. Then what is the point of writing meaningless drivel. Hmmm…?

It seems July will be a slower month, with my man taking some holidays and the Tea business taking a serious turn. It’s summer and I think it’s like that for many businesses. I almost don’t know how to turn off my tea brain though. June was hectic and amazing! My brain goes between tea facts to the “ear worms”, thanks to Disney’s last couple of movies, which are driving us all insane. Whenever someone (aka. ME) says “Awesome”, the tune “Everything is Awesome” goes screaming through my head. I think I will obliterate that word from the dictionary one of these days.

I have a funny story to tell but I’ll save it for my other blog…

It seems we are moving into the phase where the saying “Eating me out of house and home” becomes a glaring reality and not just a clever turn of phrase. We have seen our oldest slam right into puberty and through an alarming rate of shoe sizes. I can’t keep the guy in pants. From the toddler who would hardly eat a thing to a kid who can’t keep his belly full. Oatmeal is the food of choice. Who knew? Our youngest has never had a lull in her growth rate and has always been hungry so it’s nothing new to have her say “I’m STARVING” but just today we all noticed that she’s getting a little (not much) rounder. Of course, one of the kids had to point it out, which wasn’t very nice at all. But regardless, I think she’s stalled in the height for the moment, but not for long. I think she’s getting ready to shoot up again. I have started shopping mainly at thrift stores and super sales. How do you keep up when a kid grows out of his shoes a month after getting a new pair? I am getting tips from moms that have been here and done this. I have been so thankful for hand-me-downs!

It’s been a long time since I’ve written and I feel like I haven’t much clever to talk about but my brain does feel duller than a butcher’s knife after a long days’ work so we’ll leave it at that, shall we? Maybe next time I’ll have some clever drivel.

 

 

My journey to writing

Writing on my blog has been on my mind for a while. Why has it taken so long for me to write? I think that God has been working on my heart in regards to my next post and my words were not coming together to make it a cohesive thought.

As a new-ish writer and a hope-to-be speaker and possible humorist (I have some big impossible looking goals, I know) I think to myself, “What could God possibly have to say through me?”  What have I got that others, around the globe or even in my province, don’t have? The big question is “Why would God use ME?”

I mean, he has so many other capable people. There are people that actually carry out the things they set out to do. I am not the most goal-oriented person ever. The fact that I have a story to tell, some of it funny and some of it tragic, does not mean I have to tell it. Everyone has a story. Why ME? Why should I write my story when there are so many other stories that are so incredibly moving and inspired by God. He doesn’t need me to write another story of how he has deepened someone’s faith through struggles and triumphs. There are so many great authors who have told their God stories. And just how do I morph the stories of tragedy in my life into the humor that God has given as a gift to lighten the load of the loss I’ve experienced?

I have an inherent problem of thinking I’m not that special. Out of the billions on the globe I will only know a few and only a few will know me. I will live my life for Jesus, I will die, and the world will exist and move on without really knowing I ever came here to make a difference. In the past few years, I have listened to some fantastic speakers and think “Now there’s a gal who has been called by God to speak, has a story to tell and she does it with such grace and wisdom.  I don’t know why God thinks I could do that? It’s just me. Little ol’ Marcy.”

I am currently writing my story and have thought, “Wow, there are so many talented authors who actually went to University to learn how to write well. I can barely spell the word thorough (Nope couldn’t do it. Spell check is my best writing buddy).” I can see why these authors have been chosen to tell stories and write articles and do all the beautiful things they do with words, but me? Why me? Why is he pushing my heart in this direction. Doesn’t he know I only have a couple of years in college? And it wasn’t about writing. I look back on my college papers and cringe, slightly impressed I got the grade that I did.

I’ve said this before….I hated writing. In elementary and high school I couldn’t get my thoughts out quickly enough with pen and paper and often forgot my original thought by the time I had some words written out. I didn’t think I was very good at it, and most of all, I didn’t enjoy it. Enter, the digital age. I didn’t consider writing consistently until my sister said I should write out the crazy antics of my kids into a book. Sure, I kept her in stitches, but write them down? Well, I thought, it can’t hurt to try. I’ll blog. And blog I did. I wrote badly. My technique and grammar was fairly pathetic and my spelling? Whew!  I didn’t edit, I just hit “publish” and there I was, PUBLISHED. Ha!

The thing is, I started to LOVE writing my stories. People liked reading what I was writing. At the very least, my relatives thought I was a hoot. They thought it was entertaining. That was a new thought to me. People actually wanted to read my next post? Who knew?

The next crazy thought, a few years later, was that maybe I should write a book and try to get it published. How hard could it be? Then I went and took a Writing Course at Breakforth in Edmonton, AB where NJ Lindquist was teaching. She was realistic but didn’t crush hopeful writing dreams. I liked her immensely and learned so very much in that one day. She said that 2 out of 100 people who write ever get published.  I calculated how many of us in that class would probably ever get published. About 2 of us. I was sitting with one of my dearest friends who writes beautifully, and thought “She’s definitely in, so that leave number 2 spot for me.” So strong was my conviction.

This girl, who thought she was TERRIBLE at the art of words and who could barely put two sentences together in front of a crowd, was being called out by God to do the things she wasn’t qualified to do. Why me? Why insignificant little ol’ me?

I have four children, some of whom have special needs. These special issues take up a lot of my energy. And what do you know? I also have Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia and Arthritis. Just life, as a whole, takes up most of my energy. Just where is God going to pull from to make anything of significance happen with all those roadblocks? Oh, then there is the ministry part. My husband is a pastor and that is an amazing and often demanding job. I just don’t have time or energy for God to have something more for me to do.

It turns out that, a couple of years back, I was sitting in a crowd of 10,000 people at a Breakforth  conference. In the middle of all the noise, people and darkness, God said something directly into my soul. “I see you. I see YOU. You are not insignificant. I the God of the Universe, see YOU in this crowd.” I realized that I was not just one more of those human beings walking around on the planet and who was lost in the middle of a huge crowd. Yes, I was going to squish my way through the crowd and go back home to life as usual., but was it going to be going home to life as usual… really? No, he had something planned for ME. It startled me. Made me weep. The God who formed the UNIVERSE has bigger plans for me? I thought that I was livin’ the dream. I was doing what he had called me to do. I knew that I was. And yet…

I don’t know how he’ll do it. After all, I still can’t seem to get to the computer to write out my thoughts when I want to. My book is taking way more time (that I don’t have) than I thought it would take. I found out I should probably get an agent at some point and then find an editor or two…and I may have to wait for miraculous funds to do all that. That only touches a small part of what it will mean to publish a book and get things rolling.

I still don’t have any large or small crowds that want to hear what I have to share. My church was gracious enough to let me speak last year. They were kind.

Some days I can not get out of bed because my body aches so badly or it needs a break from the strenuous life I lead. It can put me on survival mode for several days to a week. There are days I can barely get out of my pajamas to home school my two kids and see my other two kids off to school.

I don’t know WHAT he’ll do. And maybe by the small steps I am taking now, I am working toward the goal that he has for me. I hope it is so.

I have come to realize this… that it doesn’t matter what I think the timing should be or the venue it should take place at or when I get the book done, it’s WHO am I doing it for? If he plans things for me then he is in charge of the details. He is the One who called me to this strange and unexpected thing called writing. Even if I never did anything else, perhaps his plans for me have been already accomplished.

I know that the God of the Universe sees ME (along with really seeing and caring for each person in this world) and I am humbled and honored and I worship him at the thought of him caring about little ol’ me.

Have you ever felt insignificant? If you do, then know that you are being noticed. You are loved. You are LOVED!!

That is fairly mind-blowing stuff.

My goals? Sure I have some!

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My Goals for 2014
1.  Kiss my man more.
2. Train for a 5K again and hopefully run with my family in an event.
3. Spend less time online and more time writing. I have some writing goals this year.
4. Organize my bedroom and keep it that way. The rest of the house…well, I will work on it but no promises.
5. See if a short-term mission/humanitarian trip is feasible for me THIS YEAR.
6. Be more involved in playing with the kids and not just let them play without me. I should have fun too!!
7. Memorize a chapter of the Bible and spend regular prayer times with my Best Friend.
8. Deepen my friendships and spend more time with them. Call my long-distance friends once per month, at least!
9. Plan a date with my man every month and be creative (it’s really difficult where I live, but there’s gotta be something!!)
10. Sing more. Laugh more. Enjoy life and all the blessings all that much more than I do right now.
11. Invite my neighbors for a BBQ and see if they come.
12. Live the life Christ has set out for me with enthusiasm, direction,  and joy.

To Write or Not to Write?

Mainstreet Canmore

Mainstreet Canmore (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am not a published author yet. I am only a grade 12 grad with a two years in college to my credit. I really don’t know the technicalities of writing and yet I LOVE it!  I love writing, I think it’s my new calling (by God)  in life and I find myself drawn to it like a butterfly to a colorful flower. My blogs have been a source of learning the art and growing in the love of writing.

I wonder, is it worth my time learning and hoping that eventually I can say something that will change lives through my writing? Am I too optimistic that I can publish something that God will use to his glory?

I feel driven, as driven as a golf ball on the right side of the club, belonging to Tiger Woods. I’m sure the balls that he drives have a great trip while they are on their way to their destination but don’t know exactly if they will hit the mark until they get there.

Part of the question is, why would my words make any difference in this world? Why would anyone want to hear my story? I know I have several stories to tell and of them I am eager to share.

I suppose I am nervous about how bad my writing technique will be and if I’ll ever actually get them done?

I am looking at my writing projects as I am of my foray into jogging this summer. I didn’t know if I would be able to do it. I saw that maybe, just maybe even though my physical body was so weak and the task so large, God was right there with me walking those first laborious 3 Km. After that discouraging and painful walk, he still gave me the dream to jog the 5K in Canmore. Little by little, minute my minute, pain by excruciating pain, I have come farther than I thought was possible. In fact, a few short months ago I knew…I (thought I) KNEW that for me, running 5k would never be possible. And yet, here we are and I am jogging 5K already in 25 minutes, which is a decent pace for anyone let alone ME who thought it was highly unlikely. Glory be to God!!

Back to writing. If I look at becoming an author as something that is  definitely possible, instead of thinking that it is a highly unlikely event, then maybe I will start getting somewhere, little by little, article by article and book by book. That last part makes me super excited!!

Writing is a little like running. It takes a vision, passion, learning the right techniques and then doing everything you can to make it possible (like the right equipment and knowledge) oh and it takes a lot of discipline. Even when you don’t feel like it, it is necessary to keep on going.

It is a steep learning curve but I intend it to be the next big thing I conquer…that is after I run my 5K in Canmore, raise $1000 for Cause Kids and actually survive it.

Remember, if you want to contribute to Cause Kids then there is the link to my pledge page. cause-kids-logo-sm

February wonderings

February has been a month of doing things differently. First of all, I have not signed onto Facebook for about 2 weeks, except for sending a message I had to send, because I didn’t have an email address. I have only missed FB because I do have some good online buds that I frequently “chat” with online. But overall, I have been quite happy to be free of all the extraneous messages that are extra distractions while trying to catch up on people’s lives. I get distracted SO easily. If there were a character from a movie that I identify with, it would be the dog, Dug, on the movie “UP” (by Disney). All the extras, that the internet has, can waste my time. It’s been eyeopening to realize how much time I was spending just checking my FB or blog.

I have also struggled with what to do with blogging. I haven’t blogged much because I am confused as to what to do. I am here at this one, and also have another blog to talk about life with a child who is on the Autism Spectrum. It’s mostly to remind myself where we have been and where we are at the moment…where we are going etc etc… But this blog here…It seems that it just doesn’t fit who I am. I like to stretch my creative wings. I like that I am in transition both physically and spiritually. I just don’t know if creatively it’s where I feel comfortable. It’s so hard to explain. I was inspired when I created this one, it’s just not fitting like I thought it would. Maybe it’s just a funk I’m in.

I feel the most comfortable when I write as if I were chatting with a good friend. I have been reading about writing styles and have been “told” to write authentically. I want to be true to who God created me to be and the message he wants me to tell. I want to be able to tell it in my very own style.

I believe that I can definitely use guidance (from more experienced and knowledgable folk) in my writing but I want to be true to my style. I feel like this blog has been about trying out some different creative ways to express what I’m going through. Honestly, I think chatting like I am right now is where I am most comfy with communicating. It’s me.

Sometimes I don’t make sense (like now?), sometimes I am funny, sometimes I am moody, sometimes I am scattered…

Writing is hard. If this is where God is calling me to then I want to do the best job I can. I used to blog for fun. I loved it. It was cathartic and it helped me create some relationships I never knew were possible.

On the flip side, I was too reliant on my blogging/writing/Facebook (and words of encouragement) for my worth. I needed to stop to see that my worth does not come from my words or words of others, but by the blood of Christ who saves me and loves me just who he made me to be. I want Jesus to be first in all that I do. HE is calling me out of my comfortable zone and into something I don’t think I am ready for. I’m done being comfortable though.

Oh, I don’t think I am making sense at all.

This time of transistion, transformation… whatever you call it, has been interesting and tough and wonderful.

Oy!