Category Archives: Spiritual life

Adoption

John 1:12

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,

Galatians 4:4-6

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”

I have a few friends who have been adopted or married a child who found parents through adoption. Some of those children faced the premature death of their parents and left them longing for what they didn’t have. In my mind, I saw it as such a tragedy. More tragic, somehow, than a child who was born into a family losing a parent. Sounds strange.  That a child would have to grieve twice. That they might think “Why did God bring me to this family only to find myself mother/fatherless?” Again.

I have thought those thoughts. How sad…

Now we are living in a situation where other people may think the very same thoughts.

How sad that those children went to a family that would go through such trouble.

I hope to live a good many years yet, but the reality is that my lifespan may be a lot shorter than I had hoped.

Now my children may have to grieve twice. Once when they were itty bitties and their first moms were suddenly gone. The warm and safe place where they had grown and had heard her voice was suddenly a loud and strange place without the voice that they had gotten used to. Babies grieve. I’ve seen it. Oh, they are resilient and amazing and our babies bonded to us as their parents fairly quickly. From our perspective they were “ours” right away. But they did grieve.

And then again as older children. At the very least, this is not the fairy tale story that one hopes when you are waiting forever (it seems) to bring your children home.

And yet. And YET…there is another part of the story.

We waited and prayed for our children. We agonized over the desire to hold our babies and love our children. WE had dreams and plans. We wanted a family fiercely. God answered our fervent prayers.

After so many years, we finally held our eldest and KNEW he was made for US. We were waiting all that time for him. It was an insanely beautiful moment. Then again when each of our other kids came home, I knew we were made for each other, as crazy as it all got sometimes. God had put us together as a family.

I am tempted to think, why did God put us together as a family if he knew they would have to go through so much? If he knew they would lose their momma prematurely? He could have put them somewhere else where grief would not be so profoundly difficult.

But he let us be their parents. He let them have us. And we are a family in every way except the common genes that don’t run through our veins. God is at work at a bigger picture for them too. He knew. He KNEW they would be going through this. Whoa. And he let me be their mom anyways. That is big stuff. I have been so very blessed to be their mom. The one who got to rock them to sleep and see them laying on my chest with light and beautiful breaths. I got to clean up a lot of poo and puke. Maybe not glamorous but a part of parenthood. I got to see them off to school for the first time and cry about how they have grown up so much. I’ve gotten to see milestones and growth. God let me be their mom. Wow.

We don’t know why God lets things happen the way they do or if he makes things happen sometimes. We wouldn’t be able to handle seeing the big picture. I know deep, deep down that he is purely GOOD.

Things happen.

Then he creates beauty out of ashes. He makes good come out of everything for those who love him.

I trust Him to continue to take care of their hearts even when I can’t mend the broken hearts that will come because of life. Life can break our hearts. I pray there will be people surrounding them who love them almost as much as we, their parents, do. Friends and family that will hold them, listen to them and carry them when they need to be carried.

I didn’t want them to have to go through all of this. But here we are, going through it together, as a family.

Shine – Dec 2012

“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine”

This is a familiar refrain to many. In fact, at our public school Christmas program last night, it was as the finale of the show. Of course, “light” can mean different things to many people. In my case, what I mean by “Light” is the light of Christ.

In starting this blog, I wanted to make sure that in all I say, I reflect the light that Christ shines in and through me. I want my words to radiate the love, wisdom and words of Christ. I am only human and realize that my words have not always been, nor will they always be. Jesus is full of grace and always ready to forgive. For that I am incredibly thankful.

I ended my last blog because it was full of personal stories that I wanted to keep as it was and publish for our own personal memories. There are so many moments on that blog that are funny, sad, frustrated, open, confused…the list goes on. There are things that I wish I hadn’t shared and words I said in my humanness. I am thankful for all that I learned, the support that I received and the fun that I had while writing that blog. It became a part of me.

I have been going through difficult times this fall. While I’ve always seemed to have something going on with my body, healthwise, I have been going through some sort of crisis this fall. It came to a point that I thought I was dying. I am not afraid of dying because I have a HOPE. I have a future. It just really puts things in perspective. The Lord used this time to speak into my life because I was listening. Finally.

There were sins that I needed to deal with. I probably have needed this wake up call for a very long time. I realized that I had let things overtake my life that should have been drop kicked years ago. Being a Pastor’s Wife does not mean that one has it together. Not at all. I had been living a lie. Lying to myself, primarily.

Part of the lie was thinking that I needed the blog. That it was integral to my mental health. That I needed the great feedback I was getting. I was getting my value from my blog. I was making it more important than it should have been. I thought I was spiritually ministering to people. Now, that’s not a bad thing at all, but I was letting pride get all in there and mess up with my thinking. Pride is a sneaky beast.

I don’t want to just stick a verse in my post to make myself look spiritual. I want it to come from the Spirit. I want to SHINE. Not me personally, but that God will shine in me. I want people to see a radiance that unmistakenly comes from Above.

I have been confused as to whether having a flair or humor in my writing detracts or attracts from God’s ultimate purpose for me. Who am I? How is He wanting to speak through me? What does that look like?

I guess I’ve been wrestling with what God has for me. What he wants to do through me. This life is all I have. I don’t know how long I have. None of us do. I know I really need to make GOOD use of the time he’s given me.

So, I step out in faith. I really do think He wants me to write. In my heart, I believe he wants me to share. I pray I am always soft to his whispers and keen for his direction.

In my Vulnerable Moments

There are moments where I feel scared. I feel lonely…I am secretly, or not-so-secretly, terrified of a few things.

I don’t want to lose who I am. With this thing in my brain, wrapped around the important parts like my personality, I am scared I will lose who makes me ME. Marcy. Quirky, sometimes funny, ready for a laugh, moody (ok, wouldn’t miss that part much), loves to sing, Loves God…occasionally adventurous, sometimes spontaneous, recently extending the boundaries of my safety zone….I’m afraid I’ll be some swearing, ill behaved, grumpy middle aged lady that no one wants to be around. I am terrified I’ll end up alone in a home somewhere because the people I love don’t know how to handle who I have become. I’m afraid my kids and husband will have to visit me out of duty and bolster their courage to face me for __ amount of minutes until they can get on with their lives and do what they have adjusted themselves to do in their lives without me. I know they are more than that. That they will shine and love, but I still wonder…

I’m afraid I’ll lose my voice, my ability to write, to communicate, to move…to love.

Those are some of my vulnerable moment scary thoughts.

If you want to pray, please pray with me that the Fruit of the Spirit will always be evident no matter what happens.

“The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.” Gal. 5:22

That my life will shine the beauty of His Glory. Even if I can’t sing. I still want to SHINE.

Pray that I may be able to express myself in words. I love words, even when I don’t make much sense. I have noticed that when I speak I get mixed up easily. I hope that it comes back. The ability to speak fluently. I am thankful that I still have what I have.

Pray that I will still see the funny in the situations I find myself in. It helps me. It’s my coping mechanism that I really don’t want to lose.

So now you know some of my secrets. Some fears. Fear does not come from God but peace does, so I choose to embrace peace and put the fears aside. There are some moments though…when I’m by myself wishing I was able to do things I can’t do as well anymore. But then peace comes to rest in my heart and I know I am not alone.

You’ve been dealt a lousy hand

some people may think this of my life. In a nutshell, it’s had it’s losses and heartaches…I’ve lost a brother, a son, a brother in law. We have kids with special issues, church challenges…then there is this tumour…

Ok, now tell me who DOESN’T have things in their life that stretch and challenge them and I will show you a person who hasn’t really lived.

Let’s face it we are ALL dying. You, me, my kids, my friends…every human that has ever lived has ceased to live at some point. We are born, we die and in between we live life. It’s in how we live it…now there’s the trick!

I love living! I love facing a challenge head on. Ok, except when I’m in pain and tired. Then I just want to go to bed.

My son asked “Why us?” I said “Why not?” There are people dying every day, dealing with terrible disease and poverty and we live in a country where we get fairly decent medical care. We are safe, warm and loved. Why NOT us? Maybe it’s in a bigger plan, a bigger picture. God has more going on than just me, just us. There is something much bigger at work here.

I haven’t been dealt a lousy hand at all. I had parents that loved me, thought I was beautiful. They gave me love, a stable home and lived in the sunny Shuswap where I grew up loving water and beaches.

Then I got to marry the man of my dreams. He treats me with respect, kindness, love and tenderness. After a lot of hardship and tragedy, I got to be a mom to four amazing little blessings that some days make me crazy and other days build character in me.

I get to live in the best province EVER…Alberta. It rocks. Alberta has mountains, it has rivers, it has oil and it has great people. It has lots and lots of open spaces that look so great in the summer. In the winter, well, in the winter I wish I was born in the tropics…but I got to go to the tropics TWICE in my life. TWICE and that is pretty darn cool.

We have family here. My inlaws have made our lives rich and beautiful in ways I never imagined. We get to spend time with them now and again. I love me my inlaws!!

I have friends. Really, really awesome friends. Friends who make me laugh, friends who listen to me whine about the hard days and friends who come and hang pictures etc for me because I haven’t learned how to drill holes yet. I have friends that let me bunk in their home when I have to drive to the city and they make me feel like I’m at home.

We live in a pretty terrific community. One that rallies around people in distress and fixes things and feeds you things and makes you feel special and loved.

We have a small but loving church family. They shine Jesus to us. They warm us with their special-ness. We live in a warm and tiny home where we are free to make our chaos and let people come in and see it.

We have a far away family that we can skype and love. We travel every single year to Manitoba so we can enjoy the prairies for days without end from a van and then pile out and have fun with the rest of the extended family.

We have the internet in this day and age and I can communicate with people I had long since lost contact with. Now I can text my best bud from high school. How great is that? I sure do miss her though!

I haven’t been dealt a lousy hand. It’s been a fantastic life. And it’s not over yet. I am prepared to enjoy all the moments I can, and medicate the moments that are painful (like actually physically painful). I love my life. Oh, it has it’s challenges…but don’t we all? Every one of us?

If you have no trouble or no challenge then how are you growing as a person?

See it’s in the choices we make. It’s in the paths we choose when the challenges come before us. Do we face it head on or do we skirt around it and avoid it by pretending it’s not there. Do we let God in and make it beautiful, even joyful?Taking joy in the moments that are beautiful and sacred. That’s what I’m hoping I keep doing. It’s what I hope my kids see, on this bumpy road we are on.

We have a terrific life. It’s going to get a little crazy here and there, but that’s life.

James 1:2 ESV

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,

Romans 12:12 ESV 

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Oh the places I’ve seen

Through the last few months I have had a lot of blog posts percolating in this mind of mine. The problem is that they stay up there and rattle around too long and then they are gone.

Truth is, I’ve been going downhill for a long time now, and I didn’t really recognize it until I couldn’t balance when I walked, couldn’t focus on what I was reading and what I wanted to say seemed just out of reach. The words…just not coming. I thought it was something…something big. I’ve been told for a lot of my life that it’s probably nothing. It gets into the mind and rattles around and gets the old thought processes making no big deal about having spells that disorient me or falling into a wall or forgetting what I was going to say…a lot. It makes me think it’s all my fault for not being organized enough in my thoughts that I can’t pull this house together. I mean, it’s always a battle, but lately a real BATTLE. Chaos has been blooming and growing for 2.5 years and I didn’t know what it was. I thought it was nothing…just me being a failure. Now there are some answers for all of that. Awful answers but answers nonetheless.

The thing is, I was getting really amazing things going on in my life. Tea business was taking off like a slow but powerful rocket. I LOVED it. My kids were learning even if my teaching wasn’t perfect. We held down out chaotic fort. Our non existent youth group burgeoned up to 16 kids one night at youth. Wow! We are on the edge of miracles here. I was all kinds of busy and feeling like I was really on FIRE!!

Then God happened. Since Dr’s had been ignoring my pleas to check into my migraines and “spells”, for years and God wasn’t having it, he saw a way to get me into a pediatric neurologist in Edmonton. A friend of mine was seeing him with her daughter. She told him about me and said “sure, you can send her to me!” Really? Wow! cool. Funniest Dr. I’ve ever had. Maybe I get him because I am childish (in a humor sort of way) and short, and he deals with children most times. It’s a good relationship. He got me into an MRI but wasn’t very worried about it. When Dr’s tell you “it’s probably nothing” it’s most likely SOMETHING. Lesson learned.

Shoot, a week later we found out I have a big ol’ tumour on my brain. Freaked my GP out, Freaked the Neurologist, it freaked US OUT!!!! and didn’t FAZE the really-difficult-to-communicate with Neuro surgeon a bit. Not a bit. He wanted to wait and see what changes happened in a few months. We changed neuro surgeons for a second opinion in Saskatoon and I believe God moved for that to happen too. We will not be waiting around to see if this blob on my brain is growing, he’s going into my Marcy brain and taking bits out of the ugly sucker to test it out and see whats up in my head. We will find out what we are dealing with after that and possibly commence treatment and whatever else they recommend.

We were in shock. The week that we found out, we thought I was dying within a moment’s notice and it was nothing I can describe. I was a mess, My big strong guy, the Reverend was a mess. My kids were messes in their own ways. We didn’t know what was facing us. The fact that he thought it was an astrocytoma means he thinks it’s been there quite a few years, maybe decades. No rush for a possibly slow growing monster on the brain. No sweat. WHAT? We knew enough that a biopsy would be helpful. The original Neurosurgeon didn’t think any of our questions were relevant. What we took from that was that I was not immediately dying and Christmas would not have that hanging over us. We can celebrate Christmas together!! Yay! Enjoy the moments we have. The normal crazy moments. And we would wait for a second opinion and wait some more for a biopsy.

I had friends help me in ways I didn’t know I would need, and I did need it. I needed it so much. I have spent a lot of time crying about how people have touched our lives with the way they’ve loved on us this last 6 weeks. Incredible! We’ve had our freezer stocked, a few times, gas cards, grocery cards, gifts given, money handed off secretively…floors washed, cupboards organized, moments with people I’d never take back. Free hair cuts… We were entered for a Christmas Wish from a friend and we WON a few sweet prizes like a housekeeper, a bunch of gifts, money for groceries, and money for a TRIP of a lifetime!! I really want to go now. But we’ve been loved by so many in so many ways and it’s humbling and amazing. We found out just how truly great our little community is in a crisis.

This has been a wild ride already but in the end I know it will ALL BE WORTH IT. During my quiet, resting moments, Jesus has given me some incredible times with him. Times I have felt him close, speaking to me in hushed tones. Comforting me. He has covered me with his peace…the kind that is impossible to understand unless you are lying underneath his beautiful wings of protection and love and you KNOW it. He was there all along, I just KNEW it in those moments.

I’ve already  had an ER visit due to bad meds reacting with my heart. Scary moments. And yet He was there. In the form of people who didn’t know me well, running to my house to see if I was ok, through really deep snow. People wiped the feet of snow off of their trucks to bring me a blood pressure cuff and gave me really good medical advice. People who care but don’t know me well…they cared.. That touches me in places that make me tear up every time. That God loves me that much to provide in ways that mystify me. I love that he’s so near. Working in ways, behind the scenes that we aren’t privy to.

In the ER room that night the Internal Dr who saw me and when I heard that my husband was a pastor, he said “Well, since you mentioned it first, I’m a Christian too!” He proceeded to pray with me, give me a prescription of scripture and was generally very compassionate. One lonely night in the small and noisy ER God heard my cry and answered it with a beautiful African Dr.

And I know it’s what I prayed for, way before this all went down. I prayed that God would move in an incredible way in this church, in this town….in our FAMILY. I prayed that it would have an eternal impact. That others would know his incredible love. I didn’t want it to be me possibly dying or having a tumor…but I knew as soon as we heard it, that this was what he gave me life for. For others to know him. And I am blessed to be used in such an incredible and difficult way. If what happens in my house and in my family and in my church furthers the Good News of Christ then I am a willing vessel.

Some people may ask…why you? Why NOT me? Don’t I feel like I’ve had enough in my life? Well, yes. and no. I live to love Jesus. As LONG AS I HAVE BREATH. Lord give me the grace and strength to do it all as you would have me do it. People are having tumors and cancer every day. Why not me? It’s ok. It happens. It sucks but it happens. My kids will go through things many kids won’t. My husband is going through things that no husband should go through but he’ll be ok. Because I know Jesus holds them too. He goes before us. He’s been there with us back there in the other places. He’s going ahead of me, to make a way.

And I am looking Forward to seeing what he does. Because it’s going to be AMAZING!! No matter if I live or die…it’s going to be down right INCREDIBLE!670313088

The lonely road to…somewhere…?

I should have known, when I decided to forgo my usual morning cup o’ joe that the morning was not going to go as expected. I should have taken that morning moment to make the coffee.

I was innocently catching up on messages on Facebook when my kids said with glee “Someone’s here!!”

“Wha…t?”

You’ve never seen a mother run so fast for her pants and a hat to hide the fact that she was completely unprepared for whatever was to come. I was wondering who it was at my door when I opened it and blurted “OH YOU, are HERE? Now?” to a Social Worker. Despite my being incredibly rude first off, she smiled graciously, but with a subtly puzzled look in her eyes that spoke the truth. “The appointment was booked last week…” And sure enough, there it was on my calendar. I apologized profusely and tried to hide the unruly bed hair trying to escape my fancy Jamaica hat. Fancy. Not as fancy as all the dishes from my Steeped Tea party the night before, and all the breakfast dishes all piled precariously looked.  Yah, ok…that fancy.

It is that time of year for my Social Worker to come for a visit to renew our funding contract for our child who has disabilities. Our Aspie.

The kids were deliriously happy that I had been taken unawares and that they were free to do as they please and get away with it for the next hour. Mommy has a meeting….whoo hoo! Let’s be the kids who hide in the basement with a long movie. Happy, healthy kids. And NO Home schooling. Yay!…Mom’s outta our hair.

The appointment went well, except I could feel the morning grit on my teeth and feel the night stank that coated my mouth because brushing my teeth hadn’t fit into my furiously fast apparel change. I figured being in pants was more important than shining my gritty teeth.

As the clock ticked my 11am appointment was quickly approaching. I was so thankful both of those morning appointments were booked to be at my (extremely chaotic) house. If it had to happen this way, it was a good plan…without actually putting two brain cells together to plan it.

Who planned to have two appointments on one morning and then didn’t write stuff down on the calendar? I didn’t. Because I didn’t get that far. If I would just look at my calendar some days. And maybe write the other things down.

With a window only long enough to  brush the grit and grime out of my chops and scrape through my hair only to put a cap back on it. I think I may have washed my face. In a panic I paid my children to sweep and tidy while I wiped and looked for my meeting material. I may have even stacked the dishes at the sink to make it look like they were getting done.

The next professional came through the door and I still pretty much looked like I had been zapped out of some strange sort of fashion faux pas machine. Doesn’t matter, its office wear, where I work!

Home schooling meeting over, I had zero seconds to leap out of the door and get headed to where? I didn’t know. I had to go somewhere that I was completely unfamiliar with, and when I have to navigate unfamiliar territory, I internally freak. With the rush out the door I forgot my cell phone. I did remember to bring a copy of the incredibly unclear directions Google gave me. They were ever so NOT HELPFUL! Thanks Google. You don’t live here…you don’t know how much you have messed with my head trying to give me directions out here. THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

I have proof that the middle of nowhere exists because I was there. With bells. Well, tea anyways.

I got lost, first off. Just how do you get lost on the VAST prairies? Easily. Done it more times than I’ll ever tell you. Wasted 20 min’s of driving time and I had to be at the school, in an hour. Google told me it would take 1.5 hours.  I was delivering teas for a fundraiser the school had run and it had been “challenging” from the start. I was happy to get it over with, if only Google was correct, once in a while. C’mon. At least this time!

Driving to the “remote” community required a long road in the middle of somewhere. It is rumored to be a dangerous highway and with a few good reasons. I’ve always felt safe when I’ve been stranded on the prairies with no cell phone. I knew a friendly farmer would stop and help. Don’t ask how many times that’s been…I don’t have those same fuzzy prairie thoughts in this area. Not in this part of the world. No, you think big scary thoughts. And I forgot my cell. I felt all alone and didn’t know where I was going.

the clouds hung heavy with their load. Heavy and ominous. The air seemed in turmoil as it blew me around the road in the van. Do you ever feel like when you are trying to find a place you’ve never been that it seems to take FOREVER? And I felt alone. Really alone.  There were hardly any signs at all telling me that I was going the right direction so I was hoping I had taken the correct long winding road to somewhere. Otherwise, I was hooped.

An hour and a half drive later I finally found the town I was looking for! I even found the school, which was so easy to find, that I missed it the first time.  Darn that Google!! Beautiful town!

With the packages delivered it was a load off my mind and I went straight for the closest vendor of caffeine. I felt the energy return and I do believe the sun peeked out of the clouds.

On my way home that lonely road became a little busier. At the “scary” part in the highway I suddenly was caught behind a very slow-moving truck. A fast-moving truck moved quickly to box me in. I got very nervous at this point. We started slowing down and another vehicle joined the line moving slowly. all of a sudden, the truck behind me, that had almost been kissing my bumper, pulled out and with a hair to spare the oncoming truck he zoomed in front. I could see a head on collision that was seemingly going to happen but thankfully didn’t. I wasn’t boxed in any more, but as I passed through the only four-way stop on the whole road, I found myself boxed in again. Thankfully, it was only harmless paranoia on my part.

The rest of the trip I enjoyed just how amazing God had made this part of the country in Spring. It’s quite beautiful really.

I got home and kids flew in all directions. Some to soccer, some making their own supper and some had flown the coop with others a while before. I was glad to kiss my hubby and know this day may actually come to a peaceful end.

I was reminded, on that lonely road, that even though I was the only one in the van, I had a friend and protector right with me no matter what happened. I am so thankful my Jesus, my Savior and my friend saw me safe. Even if I hadn’t been safe, He would have been with me. 1960095_10151932139966190_238625747_n

 

 

Finding the words

I haven’t written much lately. You may have noticed. I’ve had trouble finding words. That’s not normal for me.

While I am super stoked that I made it through the winter and pretty much accomplished my goal of not complaining about the weather ALL WINTER. Woo hoo! I never promised a Spring complaint fast…but I’ve been doing well. Caught myself once or twice. But seriously, it doesn’t help to complain so I swallowed it. You know what? I think it made it feel like the cold weather passed more quickly. Also, I didn’t look at the tropical pictures people like to torture others with. That helped too. I especially am NOT Looking at them this week. It helps me not complain 🙂 Of course I had to torture others last year when we went to Jamaica, so all is fair in love and holidays.

While this winter was, by a thousand miles, better than last winter it was another kind of painful for us. Last winter (2012-13) was a long and dreadful winter filled with pain and fatigue that I have NEVER experienced the like of before. I spent days, weeks and months begging God to take away my pain and to allow me to get back to “normal”. My normal is a healthy person’s sick day. God has been so amazing in giving me the strength for many years. I wonder, at times, if I went so hard for so long that my body just up and had to have a reboot. I entertained thoughts I had never thought I would let jump around in my head. When your body is that rebellious your head starts to think crazy thoughts.

I am thankful that I had family and friends who put up with the nutty talk and prayed me through it. The Reverend still has a little PTSD from how hard it was for him. On my bad days, this winter, he had the look of sheer terror in his eyes. I know that he was a super hero and got this family through some of the most difficult times we’ve faced. On those days he wondered if this time it (my inability to deal with life) was back again. I’m thankful to say that, for the most part, those days lasted only a few days at most. It was never as intense as it was before.

This winter was different. Oh man, how thankful I am for that! I can truly say that God has allowed me to see a bit of the normalcy back, though I am far from what I used to be, even still. I think part of it is that he worked on my heart so much that I just am NOT the same as I used to be. None of us are. The “Bad Winter” was a changing time for me spiritually, physically and mentally. I cut out food that was making my body more stressed than it had to be. I started running (OH MY WHAT A MIRACLE!!). I had friends urge me to think outside of my spiritual box that I had put God in. God worked through it all. Wow!

I am healthier in so many ways.

But…then there is a different sort of pain.

The pain that people in ministry are not supposed to talk of. The type other people cause.

I had a feeling that something was coming. Call my weird but it’s true.

The church we are in has been so amazing and so full of grace for us as a family. We were growing, thriving, excited. I felt like we were on the cusp of something amazing for our little community. I still do. I think God is up to something. But that makes Satan (and yes, I think he’s working hard) upset. When the people of God are on fire and full of purpose there is sure to be backlash. He doesn’t want people to be victorious. He doesn’t want people to be SAVED. He doesn’t like people to feel the love of the Father for his created.

And there has been backlash.

And that’s all I can say. It’s been tough in ways I can’t speak of.

I know that the battle is NOT lost. I know that there are incredible things happening in people’s’ hearts around this place. If the battle is this fierce, then it must be something crazy good. I see the seedlings of something.

Just wait. It’s going to happen!