Category Archives: Elimination Diet

In the in between.

Putting the stuff that is in my mind down on a paper, of sorts, gets messy at times. There is a need for me to process this through words and what my fingers are made to do by the words drifting in my head.

What happens? What happens when I am in surgery, in Saskatoon? Still don’t know. It could be that I walk out of there in a few days and go on to bravely fight with chemo and radiation in Alberta. That’s my dream That is what I am envisioning me like that, walking out. Going home to my kids to give them a big fat snuggle. It could be that I may have to be transferred to the Cross Cancer via ambulance if things go less than optimal during surgery. Realistically, this could be a long road filled with therapy and treatment. We hope the best but acknowledge the rest.

I imagine me being in treatment for chemo and radiation for quite a while but coming home in between to snuggle and to rest. We are doing Cancer treatment in Edmonton at the Cross Cancer.

But I wonder in the in-between times…who will listen to the talk of my children? Who will hug them when I am not there to pat the bed beside me and say jump in. Let me watch that Minecraft Game I don’t understand. Come and talk to me. Can I snuggle with my girl? scoot on over. Who will take them to dance recitals and basketball or swimming lessons. Oy. I want to do all of that, but realistically, I”ll miss some of that this year.

What If I’m gone from home for long periods of a time? Who fills in for me. There are many offers and many options but how do they all come together.

Who will bring me my kids to see me at the hospital, because I really need them there to shine their hopeful faces in my general direction and need them to tell me about their days and adventures. I need them to jump into bed with me and share their art projects. I need them to read books to me.

What happens if the “motor deficits” are more than we are able to handle in our little house ? I have a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

I know there are people able to transport me back and forth in different scenarios. I know that there are so many ready to step in and pitch in.

I know that whether in Saskatoon (for the surgery) or whether in Edmonton there are people and professionals that will step into roles and make life as doable as possible. So many possibilities.

I am hoping, HOPING for the best. The rest is all muddled into what “could” happen.

What I do know is that I have people stepping into willing roles and that they may be asked to step into them once or if able on a more long term basis. It really does depend on how this goes.

I have a friend that is making a list. I am  blessed by this friend. She is my organizer. My extra brain. It is she that will be delegating and I am so so thankful.

When you want to play a role, let her know. I’ve got her number and email. Just tell me. She’s the master list maker and delegator of all things Marcy. Even has down what I can or cannot eat. There are a lot of details that will get worked out eventually. I know they will. She is going to be scheduling what we need. And if she poops out with her role and needs a break, I know there will be others to step in. this is only until I’ve kicked this tumor butt and am ready to take on from where I have left off. I can’t wait for that truly. I can’t wait until I can do the silly hip hop dance off in my living room again. Make Turkey dinners (that I do really well, by the way) and go back to life as “normal” but not as it was before.

I am blessed to have people who say they are in this with us. We need you and YOU ARE AWESOME!!

I plan on walking out of that hospital and then march right to treatment and kick this little beast.

With the help of my family and friends, we are all going to pray our way through this and see the other side. God is listening and a lot of the saints are praying for us. Wow, how that makes me want to dance!!

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Cleansing – Jan 2013

Fruit Platter

Fruit Platter (Photo credit: Matthew Kenwrick)

Veggies and fruit, fruit and veggies, then some quinoa and nuts and you have my last five days. Raspberry smoothies have become my favorite sweet treat. YUM!

But all that goodness going in to my system is wreaking a little cleansing on my internal systems. Things are getting a little, um, unmentionable…if you know what I mean.

Yesterday as my insides were rumbling, bubbling and turning over in their sheer shock at all the nutritious food going in, I realized that my physical cleanse reflects what happens when we take a spiritual cleanse. In fact, during this physical cleanse I have also been “working” at cleansing myself spiritually too and gaining new perspective.

For years, I have ignored some major spiritual signs that things were not healthy. Sin that I had stuffed nicely down in the dark places of my being, was eating away at my spiritual health. I kept thinking “I’ll deal with that later. When I’ve got it all together, I’ll get to it then.” I don’t know if I actually put that into conscious thought, but I do everything else like that, so I’m sure, unconsciously, that was my spiritual thinking.

As everyone should know, if you put no effort into your health of any kind, then your health will go nowhere but down. Sure, you can ride the wave for a while but it’s going to come crashing down eventually. Crash, I have.

Our spiritual, mental and physical health is all connected. This is not news. So, why has it taken me so long? Why does it take a crisis in one area to recognize the instability in all areas? Oh how I wish I’d had the motivation earlier. But, there is the kicker. For me, I “needed” the crash. I don’t like to say that at all.

With this much-needed push to do a healthier diet (extreme, I might add) I have been able to see the physical example of what a cleansing looks and feels like. I have never really done this before. Sad, but true.

When we start pouring good things into our body, it starts getting rid of the toxic waste. Getting rid of toxic waste is hard. It makes me squirm.

Another part of it is the preparation for the cleansing. I have to shop, chop, cook, chop some more.

 

Update Feb.1, 2015 I never did finish this post but it’s a look into my first foray into a healthier eating pattern.

My goals? Sure I have some!

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My Goals for 2014
1.  Kiss my man more.
2. Train for a 5K again and hopefully run with my family in an event.
3. Spend less time online and more time writing. I have some writing goals this year.
4. Organize my bedroom and keep it that way. The rest of the house…well, I will work on it but no promises.
5. See if a short-term mission/humanitarian trip is feasible for me THIS YEAR.
6. Be more involved in playing with the kids and not just let them play without me. I should have fun too!!
7. Memorize a chapter of the Bible and spend regular prayer times with my Best Friend.
8. Deepen my friendships and spend more time with them. Call my long-distance friends once per month, at least!
9. Plan a date with my man every month and be creative (it’s really difficult where I live, but there’s gotta be something!!)
10. Sing more. Laugh more. Enjoy life and all the blessings all that much more than I do right now.
11. Invite my neighbors for a BBQ and see if they come.
12. Live the life Christ has set out for me with enthusiasm, direction,  and joy.

Fasting

I have been so thrilled that this is my last day on “The Elimination Diet“. Last day, meaning, it was supposed to be. I’ve tested new foods for a few days already. I have felt the reactions my body has had when I’ve mistakenly had dairy or something else. My body is at a point in it’s healing that I can tell what is hurting me and what is ok. So I thought, why not? Let’s just start testing.

English: A photo of a cup of coffee. Esperanto...

English: A photo of a cup of coffee. Esperanto: Taso de kafo. Français : Photo d’une tasse de caffé Español: Taza de café (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I guess my first test was coffee. I cut out coffee for a week and noticed a HUGE difference in my stomach comfort. I didn’t know whether it was the coffee or the creamers (cream) that created the tummy upset, so I drank black coffee one morning…yuck!  But my tummy was fine. Yay coffee! Then I tried the black gold with Lactose Free Milk and….another yay!  No reaction. I thought I was going to get up and dance!! I mean, if the solution was as easy as lactose intolerance, there is ways around that!

Problems with headaches started today.Soooo, I’m thinking dairy might be out for good… BUMMER!  I love my coffee with milk. **Insert whiny voice** I know there are non-dairy creamers they are filled with sugar and chemicals…and I don’t like them…I like my creamy coffee.  I’m not thrilled about that. Anyways… Coffee good, Dairy bad.

then I tried Eggs…jury is still out. I’m going to try it again tomorrow.

It’s Introduction or Testing  time. Which I am loving. Yahoo! for adding new foods to see what they do to my body…. Boo for foods that make me sick (of this I am sure there are some) that I will not be able to eat, except on special occasions. Baked goods that contain egg, dairy and wheat may come up as a “no no” for me…boo.

Chocolate Cupcakes

Chocolate Cupcakes (Photo credit: Renée S.)

This “fast” of sorts (cutting out food I like and eating healthier), has been an eye-opener for me.

One, I realized that in the power of God I can do even the hardest of things. And with fatigue laying me flat and headaches just around the corner, making food by scratch and cooking two meals for every mealtime about drove me crazy, lu lu, nutty…you get it.  Fatigue and making everything from scratch did not coexist very well and I found myself in tears a few times over mealtime and the lack of anything interesting for my dear husband and I to eat. I just didn’t want to keep doing it, but my hubby kept encouraging me. Tried to make the diet easier by buying “safe” foods. It was sweet.

I realized that a person really can’t eat healthily without putting some real thought and effort into what is going into their foods, esp with food sensitivities. YOu have to plan meals extensively, go shopping (uninterrupted with children) and then revise meals because you couldn’t find the stuff on your list (oh how it stinks to live in the middle of flippin’ nowhere!)

I’ve learned you absolutely can’t stick to a budget because you are cooking with things you never have cooked before and those things are EXPENSIVE! But basically it’s a treasure hunt to find those little expensive items that would make your meal tastier or not. Not all ingredients are helpful in making food taste good.

I have learned that it’s not about the food. Food is for fueling your body. If you fuel your body with good food, it will get better. Easy. ha.  It’s not about how easy it is. It isn’t. It was time that I learned I could survive on nothing more than rice, beans, chicken, sweet potato and smoothies. That’s not a lot of variety. Oh, I’ve had my choice of veggies, except peppers, potatoes and tomatoes…that cut out a lot of variety in recipes for me. I couldn’t have my regular installment of Ketchup. Ack!  This week I test Tomatoes. I hope it comes up NOTHING. I can’t live without an occasional pizza. LOL I’ve missed pizzas.

Healthy Berries are Good Food for Health

Healthy Berries are Good Food for Health (Photo credit: epSos.de)

This has been a spiritual time of reflection too. I have looked at this fast as an opportunity to grow closer to my Lord as well. At times, I have said “REally, Lord? Couldn’t you have done the instant healing thing for me?” But then I am certain he wanted to me to have a part in my healing. Take ownership of where I am now…and look back to see where I had been. I want to move forward…not back. Both spiritually and physically I am moving forward. I want to keep it that way, as hard as it is.

Hope is resurging.

Mojo

English: The word "GOD" arranged wit...

English: The word “GOD” arranged with snow on the branches of an evergreen tree. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As the weather breathed her warm wind across the prairies and patches of grass could be found at the edges of the road, I realized a hope that had grown in my heart.

Just a few weeks, nay, days ago I felt the weary burden of the overwhelmed with a pit of despair hanging onto the edges of each waking moment. I wanted to feel health’s blessing in my body but it just seemed the more I wanted the less it was available. Laying down my head in another moment of needed rest just frustrated this restless soul. I don’t need to rest again, I would tell myself, but my body was not in agreement.

The last two to three days have had a different feel. Yes, the fatigue,  that has become a familiar companion, still hung on like an unwanted houseguest, but it was losing it’s grip, if even just a little. Where I could not have had three full days of activity in a row just a week ago, now there had been three full days of running and I was still standing. I hadn’t needed to lay down in a bone weary way for three days. It was a thrilling moment and I treasured it quietly in my heart.

I feel like there is some good ol’ fashioned Marcy Mojo back and I like it. It’s the first time in the last few months that I have felt a spurt of more than just energy. I’ve had my “good” days, one at a time….about once a month. It was getting downright depressing. who wants just one good day a month?

Even the hubster, today, was saying “You seem more chipper!” which makes my heart leap and fall at the same time. I wish there wasn’t such a noticeable difference…I don’t know if that makes sense…

There seems there’s a place inside of me that is filling with purpose once again. My dreams don’t seem so unrealistic at this point. They are still highly unlikely, but I am dreaming big dreams again and not finding it sad because my body was saying it will never happen. I am slowly biting down on some God-sized pondering and hoping for the things it may entail.

Could it be the diet?

I think it could be a part of it.

I asked for healing.

I have started to wonder about healing and the process of it. Sometimes God instantly heals. People have told me this happens and I believe it because he’s God and created everything. I have friends who have experienced instant and miraculous healing.

I never have. I have pleaded for it, but I’ve never been healed in a moment.

Sometimes God doesn’t heal until heaven, where we are eternally healed from all pain, sorrow and physical pain. I am looking forward to it. Not in a  now sort of way, although whatever happens is in God’s hands. I am looking forward to the release from the earthly burden of pain, someday.

Then there are times that God heals over time, through medical means, or nutritional changes or physical activity or through all three.

I believe God is healing me now.

And I believe he wanted me to take an active part.

I was not taking care of myself. I’ve never loved exercise. I found every excuse under the sun to not do it and it sounded so convincing. I’m a busy mom to four, with things always that need doing. I could have found time to do it if I had really wanted to. I mean, the dishes will always be there, the laundry will never be done, and organizing my house (let’s face it) will always be an issue. I could have moved my derrier.

I was not eating thoughtfully. I just grabbed whatever I could to sustain the high energy life that we live and it was not always healthy. In fact, confession is necessary…it was mostly NOT healthy. I fed the kids very healthy meals, but my life reflected poor choices. Vegetables were boring (and still are…sorry) and fruits were not my first pick.

I was ignoring God.

Did I just admit that? I guess so. I had put on the face I have always had. I’m a “good girl” and know what to say, how to act and pretty much look the part of a good Christian wife. I was ignoring my spiritual life though. The Word of God, which is LIFE and BREATH and gives hope and knowledge…and so much more. Well, I was just keeping it visible out of the corner of my eye. Just enough to make me feel guilty about ignoring Him. Spiritually, I wanted to be there, but I had no motivation. I am undisciplined and terrible with friendships (this is a lightbulb for me this year…I’ll get into that another time) and my friendship with God was only one-sided. He was waiting and I was ignoring.

As a result, my anxiety and guilt and whatever (emotional) weapon that could be used to beat me, were being used by the Devil to beat me senseless.

I was being eaten from the inside out. My body has felt the effects of it for a while now. I’ve just been patching it up. A sleeping aid here, a Tylenol there, a stomach med every day…and it wasn’t helping. I knew I needed more.

I needed HIM. So I cried to Him and confessed everything he already knew. I’ve confessed for a couple of months now. This “good girl” isn’t that good. In fact, I’m not good at all apart from Him.

I believe that in taking action in my physical body, through this crazy diet and exercise (which I still need to work on), through purposefully getting closer to Him by reading His words, prayer and confession, and through rest my body is healing, my spirit is soaring again and I think I am headed in the direction I should have taken long ago.

I wish it didn’t need to come to a crisis like what I’ve been in. I haven’t enjoyed it at all. And yet, I needed it. Sadly.

I give all the glory to God, my Redeemer, Savior, Healer and Friend for every step toward health that I can feel and see. I am not where I want and need to be but I am a baby step closer.

Hello Mojo!

Craving

Yesterday I went to my cupboard and opened it up. I grabbed the GF chocolate chips and poured some into my hand. I glanced back into my baking supplies and found the Skor Bar baking bits. A little bit of those crunchy and sweet pieces of toffee wouldn’t hurt, would it? Before checking the ingredients I popped a mouthful of chocolately toffee into my mouth. Ahhhh….oh how I’d craved something like this. It tasted so good I grabbed another small handful of the treat.

No harm no foul. right?

I have eaten very well and have stuck with “the Diet” (Elimination Diet) almost to a T. There have been moments I ingested something I shouldn’t have but usually that was because I didn’t think to check the ingredient list if it said “Gluten Free” or it was because I hadn’t checked “the allowed foods list” and ate something on the “Avoid” list.

If you haven’t checked out what I can and can’t have, it’s here. It’s very restrictive and I’ve really tried but there are some things I just know I’m ok with. It’s hard to cut out those things, but I have, mostly.

As a result, I can feel when my body isn’t happy with me. This is different from a few weeks ago, because my body was in such a state of crisis that I was reacting to everything and anything. My stomach just hurt all the time. I couldn’t really tell why it was so crazed. The Diet has been really good at calming my stomach down to a place I KNOW when I’ve eaten a no no.

That was what happened a few hours after my “treat”. I started really feeling gross in my tummy. I wondered at what I had eaten that was unusual from what I usually had been eating? I searched my memory, had an “ah ha!” moment and grabbed the toffee bits out of the cupboard. Sure enough, my suspicions were correct. It had all sorts of dairy and lactose in it. DARN!! I’m sensitive to dairy. Duh. I knew that I just didn’t want to admit it. I want my creamer in my coffee (I’ve been so good not drinking my coffee…wahhhh). I want a little butter on my toast. Waaaaahhhhhh! Sob!

I knew, by the way my body reacted to that one thing (that I had cut out for mostly 2 weeks) that it was the dairy. I had wondered if it was the coffee or the creamer I was reacting to when I had my coffee a few days ago (Ok, so I haven’t been a saint!) Now I know. Today I tried black coffee to see if I would react to it. All I have to say is that black coffee is gross. But I was desperate and I think I am at the point of feeling exactly what I am reacting to. I needed coffee and it’s kick of energy. It was as good a time as any to see if NOT having dairy made a difference. I have not had a reaction. Good news? Coffee is ok. Bad news? I hate coffee without my cream. Sigh.

It hit me that it’s kind of like when we start letting God shine the light on our sin. We know that we need to admit that it’s a problem, confess and turn away. We have let it go, but then that temptation creeps up on us and tells us that it’s not so bad afterall. Let’s just have a try. so we take the bait. We justify why we are doing it…We try it again. And we feel terrible afterwards. The Holy Spirit is in our lives to shine that light and shining light on our sin is like a bad reaction to dairy (figuratively speaking). We know we shouldn’t have done it, but now we have. We have to live with those consequences and say no to it when the craving hits us again. The more we say no, the easier it is. We know the consequences. We like the freedom from pain and guilt. God changes us. We are cleaner, more able to do his work. More able to shine his light. We are FREE. We can live in the freedom from the things that so easily entangled us. I can live in the forgiveness and grace of our amazing God and be cleansed.

Oh the things I am learning through this time in my life! Why do life lessons have to be so hard? Why did it take until this crisis of health for me to get with the program?

thank you Jesus, for loving me despite my cravings and my failings. You are so forgiving and loving. Keep me strong. Thank-you for the healing I am noticing both in my spirit and in my body.

Where has the time gone?

I never, once in my life, that I can remember, have EVER got up at 5am and thought “Hey, it’s time to get up now!  Let’s go face this awesome day!” OOOOhhhh no. My chronic reaction to that early morning hour is always “Must I get up? NO? Well then, let’s get on with sleeping!” And then I would sleep or attempt to.

Yesterday, five rolled around and my body was awake. REALLY awake. And I thought to myself “Hmm. Maybe I should get up?” Then I stopped short in my thoughts and considered that I may have just gone crazy. I remembered that I had a houseful of light sleepers and thought it was better if they all did not get up at 5am, so I stayed in bed until 7am. At which time, I surprised my husband by being functional. It was almost a miracle, really. Actually, it probably was.

So, I went through my day, amazed at the surge of energy that seemed to fill my body. I had some brief moments where I wondered if I would pay for it tomorrow, but I “enjoyed” shopping (that’s a whole other story) for the afternoon. I thought maybe instead of it being an elusive “good” day, it was a sign of my diet change having a positive effect. I was trying to find foods for the diet. It was harder than I thought…then I went home and found sick kids and a sick babysitter. Despite all of that, and moments of despondency over this eating thing and how hard it was, I found myself still able to cope after a very busy day. I rejoiced. Then I went to bed.

This morning, as my eyes attempted to open shortly before 8am and as my dear husband tugged at my blanket, I knew I was paying. And paying a big price.

But what could I do? On those surge days, I need to….really, really need to get stuff done!

To tell you the truth, I am sick and tired of the sick and tired days. I have to rest so often that “taking a day of rest” has become a statement I’d rather ignore. I have been sick with this, that or the other so often this fall/winter, that I am done with it. So done.

I have seen the disappointment in my childrens’ eyes too often, lately. We plan for something fun or maybe even ordinary, but different. Then, the day approaches and I can’t get out of bed. Or I can’t even think about driving anywhere.

Seeing the echo (because my heart is disappointed too) of dissatisfaction in their faces makes my heart shatter because I am causing this. I know I am not causing it and that it is happening to me, out of my control. I know that. But they are slowly accepting these days with a look that reflects disillusionment. I don’t want them growing up to think life is one big disappointment.

Maybe I even wonder if they think they would have been better off with another mother. Truthfully, this fear fills my heart so often. I have to cast that aside and take up confidence that Jesus loves them more than I and is in control. Our circumstances feel out of control, but he is watching it and has it all in his hands.

As my pain has increased my understanding and depth of faith, so will the pain of these disappointments cause their roots to grow deeper. I pray that their faith is as sturdy as an old tree. If I have to suffer to make that a fact, then suffer I will.

Jesus did. He suffered for ME…for YOU. For them.

In my humanness I think that, in healing me Jesus would get more work done for the kingdom of God. Maybe I’m wrong.