A hard little bit

this is where the rubber meets the road. It’s the place I loathe coming too. Makes me all vulnerable. 

Where’re I am at the mercy of something else. Truly we all are anyways but to come out and admit it is a whole different level. Tonight I am nauseous with a capital letter but I’ve had all I can have of those meds today. Thankfully I have an awesome guy looking out for me and keeping track but it is frustrating nonetheless. 

I want to take control but I can’t…. Right now. My brain is not making enough sense yet to forge off on my own. And….I trust him. With my life. He would find an alternative if he could. 

In the meantime can you pray that I can handle the symptoms that still grip me? I am still dealing with headaches, nausea and intense anxiety. Hopefully in the next 2 weeks it all gets way less intense. They say it should peak in 2 weeks or so and then they’ll see the real long term effects of surgery/radiation. They’ll know what kind of therapy and management I’ll need. The “peak” is normal for radiation as the radiation still kills the cancer and healthy cells as they are supposed to. They had to radiate a 2 cm swath around the tumor so it’s quite a bit of potential damage. Keep praying for that too please. The next 2  weeks will be telling

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