Wanting me back!

Truthfully I wonder. Where did she go? Is she coming back? I really liked how she didn’t freak out at the least tidbit of change. Like where did someone else put my purse? or place the chair at a different angle. It all makes my brain work hard and it then accumulates and I start to me crying or losing it i some way. Stupid. Silly even. Even waiting for the Dr became a big deaell because I really wanted to see my girl dance today and I did, but when I got to the competition, I realized there were a lot of people to adjust  my body around, lots of noise to navigate and darn it the brain uses a lot of energy figuring these things out. Even getting settled at the new place tonight. New medication location. Will I find it at night and know how much to take in the dark? My guy is here looking out for me but this stuff used to be MY stuff. Mommy stuff or at he very least taking care of my own self. I have become dependent and it’s getting to me. A. Little. 

Pray for the return of Marcy. Even a smidge. Oh, she may never truly be the same and that’s ok, there were some edges to take off anyways. To function at a steady rate would be fantastic though. If I could get from one transition or situation to another with grace calm and a good smile would be a blessing.
I want to resume chuckling out the door not wondering if I’ll smack into it first. Ok, so that could get a chuckle… 

I want to be Marcy again. Ai miss her. Who knew? 

Maybe in a while I’ll catch a glimpse of her fiery temper….her ability to smile at a stranger. Make small chit chat. I sense Marcy sized dreams but the means to go for them seem too lofty. Where do I find that motivation? The drive to work through the confusion and details?  I pray it shows up again. That Marcy girl. She’s got to be around here somewhere. 

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