Doing it well

i may have high expectations for mys of but I really want to do this thing well. I want to have a great attitude no matter what gets thrown my way. I want to shine Jesus throughout. I want to love well. I want a lot of stuff from me. I want to live a long time. I don’t want to panic with every change in the wind. I want to appreciate the little things.

The only problem is that I feel like I’m flunking already. I am only 2 days into chemo, one radiation done and I am folding like a wrinkled shirt that was hastily thrown in a corner. I feel gross, headachy and worried. Every risk that they told me about is racing through my brain. I question everything including my poor husband who is rocking the nursing business. I am driving him wild. My stomach burns with all the meds I take and I cry like a cranky 2 year old.

And all the while I wonder how I can muster enough strength to finish this thing well. 

I have the greatest support team in the world and I don’t want to let them down. I have the most amazing God who breathes life into me every day and I want to live that life well. 

My kids are rocking the whole sick momma thing and make me proud. They really are the wind in my sails

So there you have it. The truth from th wrinkled old shirt in the corner. 

How do I do this well? I am looking around for the secret. I have people tell me to stay positive but the truth is its really hard when I want to puke every minute of the day. 

Right now I turn on some comforting tunes, read articles on healthy living and focus on the truth. I read about how God fought impossible battles for his people. I realize he’s fighting this battle ahead of me. And I pray constantly.

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4 responses to “Doing it well

  1. Dear Marcia, Don’t put more pressure on yourself than necessary , we, your support team care for you whether you’re the crinkled old shirt in the corner or whether you’re the sparkling Ballgown hung up in the closet! We will stand by you through the tears, & fears, the screams of anguish or shouts of praise, through painful moans or joyous laughter. You are not a flunkie, it takes a brave soldier to stand up & surrender, and as you surrender each thought & feeling, each moment of everyday into our Heavenly Father’s care, may Jesus give you the strength you need for each moment. This is huge & so very tough, I wish you didn’t have to go through this. Interceding for you & your family tonight. Rest in Him;)

  2. Jennifer Ellis

    Marcy, thank you for sharing the hard realities of the path you are on right now. Even amidst your tremendous challenges you are shining for Jesus through your willingness to be real and open. I will be praying for you and your family. It’s been a long time since our year at Briercrrst and I know I don’t know much about your life since then, but I appreciate the opportunity to get to know you again through your posts. May God bless you with strength, endurance and His Hope and Peace.
    Jennifer (Kroeker) Ellis

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