In the in between.

Putting the stuff that is in my mind down on a paper, of sorts, gets messy at times. There is a need for me to process this through words and what my fingers are made to do by the words drifting in my head.

What happens? What happens when I am in surgery, in Saskatoon? Still don’t know. It could be that I walk out of there in a few days and go on to bravely fight with chemo and radiation in Alberta. That’s my dream That is what I am envisioning me like that, walking out. Going home to my kids to give them a big fat snuggle. It could be that I may have to be transferred to the Cross Cancer via ambulance if things go less than optimal during surgery. Realistically, this could be a long road filled with therapy and treatment. We hope the best but acknowledge the rest.

I imagine me being in treatment for chemo and radiation for quite a while but coming home in between to snuggle and to rest. We are doing Cancer treatment in Edmonton at the Cross Cancer.

But I wonder in the in-between times…who will listen to the talk of my children? Who will hug them when I am not there to pat the bed beside me and say jump in. Let me watch that Minecraft Game I don’t understand. Come and talk to me. Can I snuggle with my girl? scoot on over. Who will take them to dance recitals and basketball or swimming lessons. Oy. I want to do all of that, but realistically, I”ll miss some of that this year.

What If I’m gone from home for long periods of a time? Who fills in for me. There are many offers and many options but how do they all come together.

Who will bring me my kids to see me at the hospital, because I really need them there to shine their hopeful faces in my general direction and need them to tell me about their days and adventures. I need them to jump into bed with me and share their art projects. I need them to read books to me.

What happens if the “motor deficits” are more than we are able to handle in our little house ? I have a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

I know there are people able to transport me back and forth in different scenarios. I know that there are so many ready to step in and pitch in.

I know that whether in Saskatoon (for the surgery) or whether in Edmonton there are people and professionals that will step into roles and make life as doable as possible. So many possibilities.

I am hoping, HOPING for the best. The rest is all muddled into what “could” happen.

What I do know is that I have people stepping into willing roles and that they may be asked to step into them once or if able on a more long term basis. It really does depend on how this goes.

I have a friend that is making a list. I am  blessed by this friend. She is my organizer. My extra brain. It is she that will be delegating and I am so so thankful.

When you want to play a role, let her know. I’ve got her number and email. Just tell me. She’s the master list maker and delegator of all things Marcy. Even has down what I can or cannot eat. There are a lot of details that will get worked out eventually. I know they will. She is going to be scheduling what we need. And if she poops out with her role and needs a break, I know there will be others to step in. this is only until I’ve kicked this tumor butt and am ready to take on from where I have left off. I can’t wait for that truly. I can’t wait until I can do the silly hip hop dance off in my living room again. Make Turkey dinners (that I do really well, by the way) and go back to life as “normal” but not as it was before.

I am blessed to have people who say they are in this with us. We need you and YOU ARE AWESOME!!

I plan on walking out of that hospital and then march right to treatment and kick this little beast.

With the help of my family and friends, we are all going to pray our way through this and see the other side. God is listening and a lot of the saints are praying for us. Wow, how that makes me want to dance!!

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6 responses to “In the in between.

  1. you have the help of strangers too!!
    I followed your story on the SteepedTea consultant page, now I see you are in Edmonton and so I would love to offer to you any help you might need. I am too a busy mom of three little girls and know the angst of being decommissioned. Your story and bravery are so inspiring. If there’s anything a stranger here in Edmonton can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask. There’s a whole army of untapped resources lying just beneath the surface. Sending healing prayers and peace your way.

  2. Ah! Marcy…. No words today. Just a lot of love and lots of prayers.

  3. Thanks Marcy, hugs and prayers!

  4. Sounds like you have decided on the surgery…is it Thursday?

  5. Sorry I didn’t leave my name above…. if you are having the surgery this week, remember, “you can never go where God is not.” Even now, you and your family are being held safe and secure and lovingly close….
    Margaret Sawatsky

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