Is it summer yet? All I see is a lot of melted snow, otherwise known as rain, and puddles. The rain hasn’t got me down yet, though. Probably because I’m not living in Calgary or Canmore and I haven’t had to evacuate my home.
When I started this blog last year, I was going through some really scary physical issues which knocked me back so far I couldn’t see where I had been. I named this blog Emerging from the Chrysalis in hopes that my life would be transformed and that beauty would arise on beautiful wings, like those of a caterpillar who must twist, turn and fight to come out of it’s pod and spread it’s wings. Hope was barely glimmering when I wrote the first words, but it was there despite the pressing darkness.
When I asked God to change me, root out whatever was making me sick, tired and anxious, I knew that it would probably be painful. I just didn’t really get that it would be physically more painful than I had ever experienced. Chronic physical pain has long been a part of my life, but this winter it amped up to a level of intolerable. There were days I would rock back and forth in my bed and beg God to take me HOME. I felt like a useless blob of chicken fat. I couldn’t do anything besides just survive and pray.
There were transitional moments throughout the last 8 months. I can’t even begin to explain what they were. Some of them are moments I hold closely and treasure in my heart. Other times were mundane yet extraordinary. There were friends and family who said things at strategic points. There were decisions made by me that set me on courses that I had previously thought impossible. God was there the whole time guiding, directing, pushing and coaxing. He led people into my life that have been a source of encouragement, counsel, truth and love.
One of the transitional and transformational moments was when I dipped my head into the warm, tropical water of Jamaica. Snorkel in my mouth, mask on my face, I decided right then and there that I would conquer this fear of mine. The intense fear of water/being without air.
I saw other people were surviving and then so did I. Anxiety gone, fear conquered. Transformation!