Last year, at about this time, I was praying that God would show what was going on inside of me. I asked him if there were sinful ways in me (and I knew there were) that he would show them to me. I wanted to be healed so badly and I knew that my sin was preventing me from the joy that he wanted to pour out. I don’t want to get into the ins and outs of why God does/doesn’t heal and whether it’s always related to sin in our lives or a lack of faith…but for me, I knew that there was something going on and I wanted to take the “narrow path” and deal with it. I knew it could and would be painful, but you never really know what that means until you actually go through it.

I guess I felt that I had been dealt enough pain in this life to last me the rest of my living years. I didn’t think I would actually be dealt, so to speak, more pain. But suffering is the fire of refinement. I knew that.

A year, and a lot of suffering later, here I sit. I am humbled by how God’s loving hand has led me and healed me. It has been difficult but it has also been healing.

Lately it seems as if I am discovering more and more of myself that needs to be rooted out and destroyed, to make way for the beauty of the Lord. In taking out the yuck it will, theoretically, make room for the woman he created me to be to grow and flourish. I feel as if it has taken me way too long to figure some of this stuff out. Oh my!

I pray, with all my heart, that in the end Christ will be able to be seen and recognized more immediately. I hope that my first thoughts will not be of myself and what I need but those of Christ and what he desires.

I have experienced that the more ugliness that is revealed in me the deeper I am drawn by His forgiveness and grace. It is humbling.  The One who created the heavens and earth made me and actually has something in store for me that is wonderful and unthinkable. Wow!


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