It’s been almost a year since I started this blog. I’m afraid it hasn’t always been the most joyful of places to be, but with me you’ve taken the journey of transformation in my life.
When I started this blog I created it to write of the transformation that I hoped would be taking place. Not unlike the caterpillar changing into a butterfly there would be isolation, struggle and ultimate beauty in the freedom of flight.
The Year of 2013 was one filled with hope that the life I would shed would be one of revealed sin, obvious areas of weakness becoming stronger and the freedom from the never-ending guilt of never measuring up to my own standards. I knew that my physical issues could have stemmed from the anxiety I’d carried for far too long, the stress that our family had been under in many areas, and just me plain not taking care of myself.
In January of this year I started eliminating things from my diet like a fiend fighting every good and tasty thing out there. I found out that wheat, tomatoes, bananas, dairy and beef were huge culprits stressing my already stressed body. Under the care of a naturopath, I learned that since my stressed body was sending cortisone flooding to my body, thus creating even more inflammation, it was making me spiral into a deep dark pit of nasty symptoms. That was my first step in recovery. Taking captive every thought about what I ate was HARD. More difficult still was to make 2 suppers, one for me, one for my family. In my weakened state I thought it may kill me. It didn’t, obviously.
My second step was taking care of me spiritually. I had some integral talks with friends and family that pointed me in the right direction. I had some give words of exhortation (not the squishy/comfy words) that were hard to hear but TRUTH. They led me in the way I needed to go at the time. I got off FB for a month which was much-needed and I will do it again soon. I got into my Bible more and started praying more.
I also made the killer statement that I was going to run a 5 km. You know how that went! I did it! From my couch in a fetal position to the 5k, however slowly it was run…I ran it. And it’s a MIRACLE from God himself who gave me the strength to get out there and do it. Every time I ran in practice he was there giving me the pep talk to keep on going. It changed my body, it changed my mind.
You’d think after all of that I would spread my wings and fly. Well, there’s a bit more work to do even after all that.
I have become aware of other areas such as my house and my parenting that need specific intervention by my loving God . I’ve seen some things in my life lately, that probably are harmful parenting mistakes. If not taken care of they could lead to lifelong issues for my children. Now, I’m not talking about crazy stuff but patterns of my behavior which manifests itself in my kids’ patterns of behavior reflect that I’m not teaching them effectively. Just trust me when I say, I have to bring it to the throne of Grace to make sure HE is the one I am changing for. I can’t change these things, deeply ingrained in my parenting without Him.
My marriage, well, let’s just say it needs some tender loving care and I see some areas where, again, I need to be doing things much differently. I need to see my spouse more sensitively and not take a lot for granted. …
Also, now this is a tangible goal. This is something that can’t wait. I am on a quest to make life more simple. You all know that the crazy in my life is enough so my thinking is let’s make it all much more simple. Harder than it sounds. I am turfing stuff the good ol’ fashioned way. I am giving stuff, I am selling stuff…I am ridding ourselves for the things that bind and clutter our eyes with its presence. I can’t organize my paper stuff until I get my other stuff under control and I can’t get my…well, you get the idea. I am simplifying in the home and in my mind….ah Peace. That’s what I like.
To sum it up, just when I thought I was on “the path” for living life differently and with more freedom the Lord showed me that I had a bit of “housecleaning” both metaphorical and real before I was on the right track. I am excited to see where this next chapter takes me. I am still trying to keep up my physical health through eating the stuff that is good and avoiding what is bad. I am still reading my Bible more often than before, but not enough as I should. I am also praying more though that could still use much tweaking.
By the New Year I hope to be waving the freedom flag. I have such a long ways to go, and I didn’t tell you how emotional this next part is going to be for me. How much I will desperately need God to take my hand and guide me step by step. could you, would you pray with and for me? That would be great.
Is there anything I can pray about for you, my friends?