Watching her sleep


My girl and I have always had an exciting relationship. She has loved verbal sparring since the day she could cry. She let us know, halfway home from the hospital, that she was done with the car seat and could we please let her out? Of course it sounded more like a high pitched “SCREEEEEEEEEEeeeeee…ah….SCREEEEEEEEE” to which my husband replied quizzically, “Is it because she’s a girl?” I shrugged and thought it was a momentary cry of fear, since she had never been in a car seat before. I was wrong. It was a way of life. She LOVES to counter everything with a different thought. I have discovered it’s a sign of brilliance. She is a very smart little girl!

Fast forward to last week. She was hip hopping on my last nerve. We had got along FAMOUSLY until everyone else came back from camp and she was put out that she had to wait for a day for her turn. We both were very excited for her first week at camp.

I love her fiercely and I know she loves me the same. We understand each other on a level I never thought we’d achieve and it is so cool. Then there are other days.

She had a fabulous week at camp. I could tell. She beamed with the light of a thousand suns as I watched her sing at the front of chapel with the worship team. I almost didn’t recognize her. I forgot how beautiful she is.

As she slumped around the house, her exhaustion was clear. She was thoroughly and utterly tired. By supper she was weeping. She missed camp. I asked her if she had missed me at all. She said “Nope.” Ah well. I held her close and let her cry. It was beautiful…for me. I hadn’t been able to snuggle her like that for a very long time. We sat like that for as long as I could. Then she needed Kleenex and the moment was over.

When she was all tucked into bed I rubbed her back as we lay face to face. Her eyes fluttered shut. I let myself relax and waited until her breathing was even. Then I opened my eyes and watched her sleep. All those emotions, that you feel when you see your newborn child, rushed up inside me. The strong want to protect and hold close. The inability to rip your eyes from their perfect features. That rush of intense emotion made me want to weep. Her beautiful button nose and smooth skin reminded me of her baby years and I realized how quickly they had slipped away. I hadn’t enjoyed those years as much as I should have.

My girl is growing up to the point she didn’t even miss her mom for a week. Wow! I did not see this coming.

We may spar every now and again (every day) but the lovely lass I see her growing into is stunning. I can’t wait to see who she becomes. On the other hand, I can totally wait. I want to enjoy these moments. They are too few already.


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