Healed but not healed

I am not a theologian…I just lost 80% of you didn’t I? No, no…come back. What I meant was that for being a Pastor’s Wife, I’m pretty Bible stupid. Yeah, that’s what I meant.

How can a Pastor’s Wife be Bible-stupid? I am not totally illiterate. I can sound pretty amazingly knowledgeable at times…when I’m talking to Bible newbies. I’ve been around Christians, people who say they are Christians and other such ilk for all of my life. I even went to college to learn more about the Bible, and I did too! My memory is just very short to remember all those juicy details, though. I know how to speak the speak, but when you get down to brass tacks about what everything means in the Word of God and I’ll say “Hmmm…I should ask my husband about that one” or “Um, hey Lover Boy, there is a good question over here!” I don’t generally shout “Lover Boy” in church, though.

There is a great debate in the ol’ Christian world about what it means to be healed. Everyone has their own idea of what it means for God to do a bona fide miracle and make deaf people hear and lame people walk. God is completely capable of that. This I do know. You don’t need to read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation (although I do recommend it) to see that he is indeed the Creator and Giver of Life. What he has made he can make perfect or whole again. He is also within his right to take life away.

Then there is this pesky thing called sin that came on this earth via Man’s Big Decision (read first 3 chapters of the Bible just because) and sin was here to stay for a while. Jesus came a few millennia later to give Satan the death-blow, but there have been a few thousand years since that day of his karate-chop (Resurrection, Matt.28) to the windpipe of sin and sin is still around…well, let’s just say God has a different time-table than we mortals. We know in the end that Christ has the final victory (Revelation) and in the end we all (his people) will be healed. No more sin, crying, pain…on and on. Oh, MAN!  I can’t wait!!

Until then, many of us are going to experience sickness and even sickness to death. Sin has messed it all up. Many of us have had loved ones that we’ve prayed over or for and they have either withered away and lived for what we felt was far too long, or they died in the prime of life, leaving family to grieve and wonder “WHY??”

“Why weren’t they healed Jesus?”

“Why haven’t I been?”

My perspective is that there are different kinds of healing. There is physical, miraculous healing. Then there is spiritual healing. Physical healing is wonderful and it does happen every now and again. Why it happens for some and not for others? I cannot tell you. Why does God answer the prayers of these and not of those? Only He knows.

In reality, if we pray for healing, we should be ready for the answer. For the loved one that is deathly ill and needs a miracle. For the young mom or dad who is about to say good-bye to their young kids, the “unanswered prayer” seems harsh. In the end, knowing Jesus, they know full healing upon their deaths. It is a transformation really. Prayers have been answered, but differently than we had hoped.

When you suffer a painful or maiming disease that leaves you less you than you once were and there is no physical healing this side of heaven, does healing come with the gentle caress of the Holy Spirit and time? I think it may.

I have experienced so much loss. Tragic loss. I have experienced physical, wracking pain. I have begged for healing. Seemingly, my prayers have hit the ceiling and bounced back empty. Or have they?

I think I am under the knife, so to speak, with God being the Great Physician. I have felt under such tremendous pressure and pain this last year. the last few months I have also known times of relief. My body is not wracked like it had been. My fatigue has faded behind the curtain, still heckling me, but slinking off just a bit.

On a day like today, though, I wonder. I wonder how much more I can take. Like a pit bull latched on to each joint and muscle, pain has grabbed a hold. Fatigue, like a smothering blanket of molasses, has held me fast. In these days, I think I may be done for. Despair settles in and eats popcorn while watching me squirm.

Where is the healing, oh my Lord? I thought you were here, rescuing me from the pit of anguish but it seems I had only forgotten where I truly was.

In my spirit I hear a whisper “No Child, you are not forgotten. I hold you in my hands. You are precious. Hold on to me. I am Big enough.”

So, I am being healed and someday I will be truly healed.

1 Corinthians 13:12
Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely

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3 responses to “Healed but not healed

  1. Your comment, being happy to find a fellow Christian with fibromyalgia… It’s how I feel! It sounds absolutely awful but at the same time, it’s a relief. Because we’re not alone! Of course God is there and He knows our pains. But to have a fellow follower who walks a similar path… It’s fantastic. 🙂

  2. ‘Despair settles in and eats popcorn…’ Dynamite image, writer friend! Hang in there – healing looks different for each of us, and God always ALWAYS knows what to do, when, and how, to bring out our utmost for His highest.

  3. Pingback: “Miraculous healing of my mum” | Miserere mei, Deus.

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