Recently, I had a phone call from a Social Worker. I wasn’t home so the message that she had called was left but not the reason why. This made my mind race with possibilities. First, that some disgruntled someone had made a complaint, which is every parent’s worst fear, even when completely unfounded. It has happened to great parents…and I think we are that. Well, ok, GOOD parents. Secondly, that our children’s’ birth mother had given birth to another baby and they were looking to see if we had any more room. Thirdly, she was calling to ask if we were still interested in following up our application to Foster-to-Adopt, after putting ourselves on hold for the winter.
Hold up! Some of you (most) did not know that we were thinking about it again, let alone putting our application in, did you? Don’t feel left out. Most of the world didn’t know, except a few references (and a couple of impartial peeps) we had asked before applying. We were all set to make our adoption plans known when my health took a definite turn for the terrible. We thought we’d see how the next few months went and then address it again. When February came around we realized that we probably were heading another direction because my health was just starting to turn around and who knew what that meant? God was planting different dreams in our hearts and a new child was not a part of that, or so it seemed.
Now, you are thinking “Duh!! No kidding you weren’t supposed to have more kids. I could have told you that.” Well, some of you did. Some of you made SURE that we knew exactly how you felt about adding any more children to the roster. That was probably why we didn’t tell you when we decided that maybe God was tugging at our hearts and we wanted to see what direction HE was taking, and not let everyone’s opinion cloudy our view. Besides, He is very capable of showing us himself what his plans are. And show us He did!
Both my man and I had our hearts tugged again and again by the thought of adding to our brood. Miracles would have to happen in order for us to be able to adopt and we knew that our God was big enough for the task. On the other hand, we knew that if certain things did not happen or did not change, then our answer was clear. God not only made things clear but added a few signs just to make sure we got the message.
It was hard for me to say “Ok, I get it. No more kids.” And then again, it wasn’t as hard as I thought. Maybe that’s why he gave me new dreams. Now I have so many dreams that I think an extra child would be easier. I know what I’m doing (most days) with parenting but with these new dreams? Not-so-much!
Did I just say I knew what I am doing when it comes to parenting? HA! Big ol’ fib there. I know what to do with a newborn. There. I said it. Bigger kid issues are, well, bigger. It hurts my brain, at times.
Anyways, I thought I would put it out there, for all you inquiring minds. Just in case you thought we could really use an extra voice around the table, because it’s…you know… quiet at our table.
Oops! Told another fib.
In the meantime, I’m excited for the new direction that God is taking us. The Social Worker in question, just asked us if we were keeping our application open any longer. I sighed **I wish I could** and with that (and a longer explanation) our file was closed. No more children for this family of six.
From the day we started this road toward children and our first conception of a wee one, to the traumas of our miscarriages, our tragic loss of Josiah, and a few more early goodbyes…then the beauty of holding a child in our arms that was actually, truly ours through adoption and then the hilarious joke on us with three more babies coming in five years…to the conclusion of that chapter. It is now closed (unless God himself opens it back up)….Closed. We are done.
And I am at peace. Good-bye, sweet, sweet baby stage, when I loved holding them in my arms for hours. Farewell, to the stage of kissing boo boos and cleaning up diapers. Bye-bye to folding you into my arms and singing sweet lullabies. It was a fantastic time with you, my darlings, and I would have shared it with more children had it been the right time.