I didn’t realize how great I was feeling until I lost it.

After our trip to Jamaica, I felt pretty good. I was thrilled that my pain seemed to be diminished drastically. The heat, the sun, the slow pace of doing nothing…it was good for me.

Then we went from nothing to screamingly busy when we touched down. We arrived to the airport late, got to our hotel at 2am and then we were on the road to home after a little storm on the ground. No problem. We were happy to see our little brood and my mom declared “I am officially off duty!”

Almost as soon as we arrived home two families in our church lost loved ones.Being “The Reverend”, my dear man was gone for pretty much the next week. My parents left for their home in a brief window of good weather. They fired up the engine and took off faster than a speeding Mennonite. Not sure what their hurry was…maybe it was the mammoth storm that was brewing, that they knew nothing about. The same week, I had a major situation at school to deal with which resulted in the withdrawal of our son from school and  an unexpected entry into fulltime homeschooling with him. It was not completely unexpected, but I didn’t expect it THAT week. I thought maybe in the Autumn.

Speaking of the Mammoth Storm that blew in…it blew us in for a few days and I was wondering if my gal had an appendix waiting to burst. It was not worrying me all that much because I was keeping a close eye on it, but with seeing the pictures of the local highways, I was praying it wouldn’t become an emergency that required any driving in those conditions. It turns out that it was probably a bladder infection but the girl does not feel pain as normal people feel it (as in her pain tolerance is impressive) so when she called home from school three times in the same week, I knew she was in pain. When she stayed in bed for hours at a time, I knew something was amiss.

From “No worries” in Jamaica, to the week of horrors (well, that’s a tad dramatic) it really was a crazy start to our lives after all that 6 days of relaxation. Trust me. When I was laying on that beach I knew why I was there. I’d never experienced the total lack of anything to do (at least for a couple of decades) or anywhere to be or expectations of people who wanted something…so having that little vacation was a much-needed piece of time. I could have sat on that beach chair and had drinks served to me for at least a few more months days. I loved not cooking. I adored not having to shop and check every little ingredient. Every day I got up and had coffee before anyone spoke to me. It was delightful!

And I wonder if that all contributed to me being in less pain.

Suddenly, the last three or so days, I am feeling every joint in my body. I am feeling muscles tense up that had been as loose as tar on hot pavement. My neck is making crunchy noises, in the silence of the night, that it hadn’t made on the white, sandy beach.

Pain is an ugly beast.

It reminds me that eventually I will feel no more pain. That one day I will be in Glory with my Jesus radiating more warmth than the sun ever could. One day I will have eternity to bask in the beauty of healing. I am looking forward to that.

On this side of heaven, though, I am thankful that even if my joints and muscles seize, I still can use them. Even if my knobby toes hurt to walk, I can walk. All of it I can do to fulfill my purpose while treading this earthly path. I pray that I do. I pray that despite the chains that seem to want to pull my down and hold me fast, that Jesus gives me the grace every day to hang on to Him. To get up and walk despite the weight of this world. I pray that I won’t be fixated on what “could be” and where it would be “better” but that He would make my path straight and purposeful where I am now.

I am so thankful we got that little break. Oh, it was a teeny tiny break in our frenetic life, but it was a taste of heaven. Heaven will be so much better. I get to be in the presence of our Creator there. May he use me for what he created me for here, until then.


6 responses to “Pain

  1. In a perfect world, we would all sit on a beach in Jamaica and never have the stresses of daily life. *sigh* It’s so hard to hit the earth with such a thump after such a special time away… not every week will be that crazy. Some are good – some are bad. May you have the strength to meet each in its turn!

  2. I know I don’t have the same crazy life as you do but I can relate to the pain. I have medication induced arthritic pain and after flying it takes a few days to settle down. We just got back from seeing Kevin and Jess in Leduc and while we were out there, I kept waiting for my body to readjust and the pain level to go down. But with the stairs in their townhouse, sleeping on an airbed and trying to keep up with the sick grandchildren, I couldn’t seem to get it under control. It can take the joy of living out of your sails that’s for sure. I pray that you can manage and not just endure but find joy in the muck of it all. And look at your pictures and remember that life can be like that again sometime in the future! Now you know it’s possible – don’t wait 25 years to do it again!!!

  3. Hi Marcia,

    As I read your posts, I remember a period in my life when I was in your condition. I had Fibromyalgia and a lot of stress and depression in my life as I worked, and looked after my mother until her death. I don’t know if I ever really heard what you have, but I know the feelings. I am thankful to see that you have a good husband, family and support group, although, I realize with having 4 small children and being a pastor’s wife, you have stressors which I didn’t have. I always remember your huge, beautiful smile and your cheery personality. Keep close to God and you will wonder where this time went…really! It’s difficult to believe now but one day you will see the results of your labour of love. You are making such a difference in the lives of 4 little people and I am sure, others too. God bless your Mom and Dad for giving you that week without concern and worry. Someday, your pain will lessen, I hope, as mine has, and you will be able to enjoy more “Jamaica times”. Love, Aunt Betty

  4. My dear Marcia, I can relate to everything you said! Everything! I won’t compare my life to yours but you must be looking up at the same stars I am at night, and seeing them in the same light. Frenetic is a very good word! (I had to look it up :-)) Sometimes it is extremely difficult to put on those Rose Coloured Glasses, isn’t it? You’re doing a very good job with this blog. It’s a really good way to lay out your life and look at it positively since you know others are seeing it. I’m really sorry you are going through that pain and as a mother it’s impossible to “slow down”. 24/7 baby.

    • Sweet Corie-Ann! So glad you came to my little blog. We definitely look at the same stars and can relate in our lives in those ways. You are in the “Early YEars” as I like to dub them. They are busy (as everyone else likes to dub them) but to me they are frenetic. With having 2 special needs kiddos and two strong willed but amazing wonders, I feel like the pace barely slows down ever. It does get less intense but then there are weeks…I try to look at it through God-colored lenses as he is the giver of all good. Also, I am seeing the spiritual battle that rages for the hearts of our families. It is fierce. Putting a positive spin keeps me sane (or so I tell myself) and hopefully lets others know they are not alone. Miss you friend. HUGS!!

  5. Thanks for sharing your heart…..the way things really are. It’s so easy to put on “a face”….I appreciate how you can be REAL. Jesus knows what you face each day, and I pray that each day, one step at a time, He will give you grace and strength and courage to carry on. Love & Prayes, Elma 🙂

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