Today marks the biggest, meanest snowstorm in the history of…this spring. Seeing as it’s only the first day of spring, I guess it’s a safe thing to say. It could be the meanest storm I’ve seen in a long time. Today, everyone seems to be posting pictures of the roads right around our area and so I am relieved to know I made the smart decision to stay home despite a Dr. appointment for myself and my girl. There is crazy driving conditions and then there is today.
I was just marvelling, as I stared out the window, how different things are today than they were two months ago. No, the scenery hasn’t changed. It’s still white and more white out there. That definitely hasn’t changed.
What has changed? Let me put it this way.
Before two months ago:
-I was in so much pain I couldn’t function in any normal capacity as a homemaker. Walking down the hallway was about as much exercise as I was getting. I couldn’t bend, cook, or go up and down the stairs without strenuous effort
-all my energy was directed at maintaining whatever appearance of being a mom as I could. I struggled – day with energy and trying to keep my thoughts together. Keeping all the details of their lives and being there in body was all there was. I tried to make sure they got a lot of snuggles, but that was also difficult.
-I hardly baked, only when I had to
-making meals was sporadic and my hubby would often finish what I started
-I had migraines almost every week and “spells” where half of my body would go numb even more often
-I had to limit everything I did except lay in bed. I would get up, get the kids ready, lay in bed, do homeschooling with J, lay in bed, prep supper (maybe), lay in bed, say goodnight to the kids, lay in bed.
-avoided the telephone, it tired me out too much to talk
-I cried at least once a week, if not more, which is a lot for me.
Now, here are the changes I have noticed in the last two months (since Breakforth, a Christian conference):
-I have increasing stamina. In fact, what would take me a week to do, as far as housework, I can now get done in a day
-I am baking!!
-I am making meals!
-I am exercising 2-3 times more than I was
-my headaches are not migraines and I haven’t had a spell since Breakforth!!!
-I am having devotions in my Bible way more often, though not daily yet, but it’s getting there
-I can keep track of events, homework, everything else better (though I will always forget something)
-my head is clearer
-I am stronger both in my body and in drawing boundaries with people.
Ok, I will stop there. I was encouraged to think about this as my Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies baked. The winter weather is not depressing to me, though it’s doing it’s best to discourage me. I know that spring is coming and the snow can’t last forever. In the same way, I know that my “winter of the soul” and body did not last forever either. When I was wracked with physical pain and crying out to the Lord for healing, I wondered if this was the way that the rest of my life may look. The end was not in sight.
I believe I was healed at Breakforth, as a woman in the prayer room prayed for me. She prayed a prophetic prayer over me. Ironically, I cannot remember the prayer but I know that when she said it that it was a word from the Lord.
I still have pain. I still have hard days. I still have discouraging moments. Stress doesn’t instantly disappear. BUT, the healing is coming.
I have asked Jesus to show sin in my life that I need to confess and turn from and he has definitely done this in interesting ways. It is both encouraging and saddening. It’s encouraging that he is answering my prayers and making me more like him and it is saddening that I’ve gone much of my life without being open to see the things I am seeing now.
I believe that as I heal spiritually, I will heal physically to some degree. I may always have some pain, but I believe that through taking care of my spirit and treating my body better the frequency will hopefully be less. Not being able to function pretty much at all has increased my thankfulness for being able to function more than I was. I do not necessarily have the energy that an average person has, but I see improvement and I am blessed by it.
I also believe that the trip to Jamaica was a part of boosting my energy. My friend Lani had a great post today about her trip and what she discovered and I had an “aha!” moment.
My naturopath said something to the effect that the stress hormone, cortisol, can wreak havoc on a body and if you have lived in the stress a long time it can affect your entire body, your organs etc. The body just can’t deal with that kind of cortisol levels and NOT bottom out. Made sense to me. So, reverse that, and you relax completely on a beach and do NOTHING and have no stress at all, and it is HEALING. I knew my doing nothing was doing something!
I am feeling overwhelmed in a good way this blustery afternoon. I am overwhelmed by thankfulness that God allowed me to bottom out so that I could see His hand in it all. I am blessed like crazy that we could go to such a beautiful place and chill out (not literally, it was HOT) and come back stronger and able to see things we need to change within our family dynamic. Insight is a beautiful thing.
Thanks be to God from Whom all blessings flow!!