February wonderings

February has been a month of doing things differently. First of all, I have not signed onto Facebook for about 2 weeks, except for sending a message I had to send, because I didn’t have an email address. I have only missed FB because I do have some good online buds that I frequently “chat” with online. But overall, I have been quite happy to be free of all the extraneous messages that are extra distractions while trying to catch up on people’s lives. I get distracted SO easily. If there were a character from a movie that I identify with, it would be the dog, Dug, on the movie “UP” (by Disney). All the extras, that the internet has, can waste my time. It’s been eyeopening to realize how much time I was spending just checking my FB or blog.

I have also struggled with what to do with blogging. I haven’t blogged much because I am confused as to what to do. I am here at this one, and also have another blog to talk about life with a child who is on the Autism Spectrum. It’s mostly to remind myself where we have been and where we are at the moment…where we are going etc etc… But this blog here…It seems that it just doesn’t fit who I am. I like to stretch my creative wings. I like that I am in transition both physically and spiritually. I just don’t know if creatively it’s where I feel comfortable. It’s so hard to explain. I was inspired when I created this one, it’s just not fitting like I thought it would. Maybe it’s just a funk I’m in.

I feel the most comfortable when I write as if I were chatting with a good friend. I have been reading about writing styles and have been “told” to write authentically. I want to be true to who God created me to be and the message he wants me to tell. I want to be able to tell it in my very own style.

I believe that I can definitely use guidance (from more experienced and knowledgable folk) in my writing but I want to be true to my style. I feel like this blog has been about trying out some different creative ways to express what I’m going through. Honestly, I think chatting like I am right now is where I am most comfy with communicating. It’s me.

Sometimes I don’t make sense (like now?), sometimes I am funny, sometimes I am moody, sometimes I am scattered…

Writing is hard. If this is where God is calling me to then I want to do the best job I can. I used to blog for fun. I loved it. It was cathartic and it helped me create some relationships I never knew were possible.

On the flip side, I was too reliant on my blogging/writing/Facebook (and words of encouragement) for my worth. I needed to stop to see that my worth does not come from my words or words of others, but by the blood of Christ who saves me and loves me just who he made me to be. I want Jesus to be first in all that I do. HE is calling me out of my comfortable zone and into something I don’t think I am ready for. I’m done being comfortable though.

Oh, I don’t think I am making sense at all.

This time of transistion, transformation… whatever you call it, has been interesting and tough and wonderful.

Oy!

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