The Year Mommy Cried

I don’t want to be that mom who cried for a year.

I want to be that mom who is a rock.

I don’t want to be that mom who laid in bed for hours.

I want to be the mom that had energy to do whatever is needed.

I don’t want to be that mom who can’t keep the house clean because even the simplest of tasks seem like a mountain to climb… and it’s just too high.

I want to be that organized mom who has everything in it’s place and remembers all that is asked of her.

I don’t want to be that mom who can’t do whatever fun thing is planned for the day because her body just refuses to go.

I want to be the mom who is reliable and able to do whatever she said she was planning to do.

I don’t want to be that mom who doesn’t keep her word because she didn’t know today would be a bad day.

I want to be the mom who plans ahead and knows that it is likely life will be predictable.

I don’t want to be the mom my kids wish they hadn’t had.

I want to be the one they know they were meant to have.

I don’t want to be that sad mom.

I want to be the mom that laughs and finds joy in even the difficult times.

I don’t want to be that mom.

I don’t know why I am right now.

But I know that there is a reason. It is a season. At least, I’m trusting that’s what it is.

A Time for Everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

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4 responses to “The Year Mommy Cried

  1. You are the mom your kids need. Even if you couldn’t ever get out of bed, your love and acceptance is what they need. Be encouraged that this is just a season of your life but that even in this, you can be used for His glory.

  2. Thanks Sharla! I know these things, and yet, at those down moments where it seems it’s neverending, I have temptation to think those above thoughts.

  3. I understand some of your feelings. I went through cancer treatment when my kids were 9, 12,16. I ended up having a mental breakdown and so had nothing to give to my kids. God allowed that however to change me in major ways. He also allowed it in my sons’ lives for a purpose in shaping who they are today. God chose you to be your kids’ mom knowing the issues you would face. He knows that the person He created you to be and the life that they would have, is just what they need to get to know Him and His faithfulness.

  4. ‘thanks Audrey. I am so thankful for the incredible husband who has made up for my lack. Seeing the kids’ disappointment about not being able to go to friends (out in the country) house or go do something fun…well, I’ve let them down so many days. They don’t really get that I’m going through a “down” or sick time. They just want to live life. I understand that. And that’s what makes it so sad. I don’t want to be the one to bring all their hopes and dreams crashing down. Ultimately it’s Christ who meets them in the gap. This I understand. I know that through their adversity it will draw them closer to Him…at least that’s my prayer.

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