THAT time of the year

Where winter collides with the strong arms of the prairie.Where the dog days of summer surely hadn’t existed at all. Where we all want to hibernate in our warm dwelling just a few minutes longer while dawn waves an icy hand to the moon.

In my brain, summer never really happened. Really. I have one memory of it. One. Snaggletoothed memory. It was a lovely, lonely day. Someone paid attention to me and took me for a walk. Lovely!Oh wait, another memory is emerging. and another. I guess summer must have existed for 3 days give or take, because that’s what I’ve got.

My memory isn’t what it used to be but neither is it worse than it’s been.

The other day I had a few elusive breaths of “normalcy” where my world seemed to tilt and shift into what I felt was “normal”. It was breathtaking and oh so short. I wished it would hold on for a few moments but then it was back. The “fog”

I hope yhose moments cvome back. That would be cool.

 

 

Hairballs

I have sat to blog often but my brain does not cooperate with my fingers. I used to be able to type like the wind but I find my fingers ploddingly clumsy and I get frustrated between letter punching. So I peek out of my chrysalis just long enough to see that the world hasn’t changed a whole lot since peeking out a while back and I go back to the grinding and knock-kneed journey my fingers must make across the keyboard on the way to a freshly pressed blog post.

So, pull out a cup of hot tea and tell me how you are doing. I’m curious. Like a cat sniffing below the supper table, I am wondering at the stories your lives are making.

My story hasn’t changed much and you know what? For that I am mostly grateful. I still have cancer, I still have four energetic and rather impetuous children who make me laugh. I still trip over imaginary objects. I still have a back ache. After all that and I tend to think I lead a boring life. But I don’t, not really.

As does the hair ball stuck to my sock, so my story takes turns and twists that keep me dizzy. A few weeks back I found myself at the hospital with pain my Dr wanted to figure out. they admitted me and ran a CAT scan. Oh how I dislike IV’s and machines that make loud clackety clacks while I am trying to take a CAT nap. I have “hard poke’ veins that make even seasoned veteerans run crying from the room. Seen it happen. The ER Dr. thought he saw swelling and ordered me to take decsamethasone. Its a nasty steroid that makes me swell all over my body and has rendered me helpless to care for myself. Ironically it takeeees the swelling off my brain, which is good. I did not want to be on it again. The next two days saw me in an MRI which showed no swelling and no new growth ! We were very happy with those results. Since my headache improved so drastically with the med they kept me on it. It will be in shott bursts that will hopefuly keep the nasty side effects to a minimum.

This medicine was also responsible for some wild hallucinations on my birthday. Not the fun type hallucinations either. “Happy birthday to me….I’m as crazy as can be….la la la”

Some day I’ll tell you about it….in my book. that I’m writing….one day soon…..really!

big dreams, big prayers

Here I am! I’m not gone yet and I’m as hopeful as ever. I’ve been praying big drayers and if you are patient enough and if I’m brave enough, I just may spill on my big prayers. You know, the prayers that you think are too big, too impossible, or just to selfish to be answered. I have approximately 5-10 of them. Truth is, I’m too scared to share just in case the answer is no.  It would out me as a faithless pray-er.

I have been feeling pretty darn good in comparison to a year a go. Goodness, there is just no way to describe how bad it was. Suffice to say, I am alive, I am in less pain and my spirits are good. I have excellent care with a few friends we’ve been able to hire, thanks to a gov’t program that is in place. I’m so thankful for the country we live in.

Bless my church that seem to be genuinely happy to see me lurch into church, when can. I love my church! My whole community is pretty encouraging and helpful whenever I’m out and about. My kids are just blessing my socks off every day.  They also try their best to exasperate the heck outta me but so far can only see how beautiful they are.

I hope this sunset finds you well, my friends.

 

 

It’s summertime!

The time when we get to hang out together, bBQ, go to the beach and travel many miles to see family. Kids are in various camps this week leaving us alone to catch up on some extras around here.  Like episodes on Netflix.We are getting our house reno’d by a friend who lives down the street. He’s done a fabulous job. Our rooms all have new laminate in them, out bathroom is handicapped friendly. Or, as we like to call I Marcy -friendly.

The next few weeks will involve getting my teeth fixed some more, packing to leave for Manitoba and getting my house in order.

we haven’t bbq’d yet this year so I cant wait to do that!

I’m looking forward to meeting some cousins, scourin the prairies for interesting stops and hangin out with my peeps. soulrest_fb2We hope to find some rest too. That would be fantastic!

Writing

Have I ever told you that I hate writing? Well, I used to. All through childhood and into young adulthood. I could never get my thoughts onto paper quick enough. I would get frustrated with my inability to express my thoughts and gave up. I didn’t write poetry or letters anymore. No, it wasn’t until my children were little that my typing seemed to pick up. Computers make it easier to write thoughts. If  you make a mistake you can delete, edit, add. Since I learned how to type pretty fast, and I discovered blogging, I started to enjoy it. I got [positive feedback and kept on writing. It was a great way to de-stress in the days of having young kids.

Now, this year, during my recovery I have discovered that I am having a problem with my brain communicating with my fingers and typing is tedious. My fingers are all over the place!pupa

God has been using my life circumstances to transform me into  doing something I’ve never  considered doing.

I am writing a book now and have lots of work to do on it. I’m fairly certain I’ve got about 2/3’s of it done so the end is in sight.

a professional told me that writing will be good for my brain recovery . So I write. I love blogging so Iwill keep at it as much as I can.

Challenges

There are some challenges I had not had to deal with being away from home. Thankfully my amazing man has been in the job. Now that I’m home, we’re all adjusting to me being mommy again. Some rules have changed and some behaviors haven’t.

Right now my two oldest are giving me cold stares because we had to lay down the law. I love and hate the teen years already. Puberty is a wonderful time full of chaos and confusion for the poor critters. They think they are adults and don’t want to be treated as children. They have memories like an 80-yr-ol Alzheimer’s patient and yet want all the priveledges.Teaching responsibility is fraught with speed bumps.

Then we have a beauty who’s ADHD makes her do all sorts of wrong. She is just a busy little thing who can’t control her impulses and is super” helpful”at times. It’s hard to know whether to have grace or come down hard for certain things. We are trying diet restrictions, vitamins and calming techniques but we are now resorting to meds. We pray for the best for our fantastic four and step forward with some tremidation. I know it’s all terribly normal and I am thankful for my friends and family who have gone before us and reassure me it will only get more difficult. Thanks. LOL

We are excited about upcoming holidays when we will see lots of friends and family. It should be good. You know, with 6 people in a car and all. Ha!

Home

I’m home. And home is where my heart has been for the last year. It’s been a tough year but we made it through! We have We have struggled with my hospitalizations, health crises (pulmonary embolism being the most scary apart from the couple of strokes), my torn rotator cuffs. No wonder I struggle with fatigue! and having our youngest diagnosed with ADHD . Rotting teeth due to steroids.My pulmonary embolism was brought on by the negligence of the nursing home staff who didn’t give me blood thinner (9 out of 25 days with only a half dose). then being mistreated in the home was tough. Now I can heal. And I am. From not being able to walk, go to the bathroom or turn in bed by myself a few months ago to being able to do all of that and climb stairs, I’ve  come a long ways, Thanks be to God and my hero husband!I sm on my way to a “normal” life. It will probably never be like it was before, but it sure feels good to function in my home and do ok at it. I’m still not allowed to be by myself for very long so it’s cramping my style a bit but we have some really good help who happen to be friends. my daughter even helps with dressing me and helping me with walking, getting in and out of the car and the kids are all learning how to help around the house a bit more.

God has seen me through some times and at times I suffered with depression and thinking I was going to die right then and there. I am still kickin’ I may be highly medicated but I’m alive and feeling like I just may live.

We are looking forward to holidays in a few weeks which should prove to be interesting to see how I cope with being out of my routine. My next MRI is in July. So I look forward to it, and I don’t.

Thanks to all of you who have wished me well, visited me, and encouraged me. Thanks again to all those who have provided a little extra as our coffers are bare bones.

Apparently I’m not allowed to shop as my brain does not compute what I’m spending. OOPS!